


Clandestine

by humble_beginnings



Category: Loki - Fandom, Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: F/M, Fanfiction
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-07
Updated: 2015-08-28
Packaged: 2018-04-08 02:21:38
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 22
Words: 29,331
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4287054
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/humble_beginnings/pseuds/humble_beginnings
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Also posted on tumblr. For my master fic post please see http://storiesitellmyself.tumblr.com/master</p>
    </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Also posted on tumblr. For my master fic post please see http://storiesitellmyself.tumblr.com/master

> #  CLANDESTINE 
> 
> adjective
> 
> Kept secret or done secretively, especially because illicit
> 
> (Oxford Dictionary)

 

"Megan," Coulson said. "We have an assignment for you. Can you meet us at Avengers HQ?"

"Is this a S.H.I.E.L.D. assignment, sir? Or a personal assignment." Megan asked.

"Personal. If you agree, you'll be undercover. Medium to long term. In Asgard."

"In where?"

"Asgard. I'll brief you when you get here. You're free to turn it down if you don't agree to the terms."

"I guess I'll see you in the morning then. I'll get on the first flight out of New York."

"No need. I'll pick you up in a couple of hours. From the roof. Be ready at four."

"Of course you will." Megan rolled her eyes. No doubt about him, he always landed on his feet. 

She packed all of her belongings from the small apartment into a large duffle bag and went to the full length mirror in the bedroom to check her appearance.

Megan was tall, almost 5'8", and had been targeted by the S.H.I.E.L.D ops academy for her athletic abilities and high IQ. Her thick hair fell down her back, a couple of inches above her waist. Indoors it could almost be mistaken for black, only in the light was the warm colour revealed, like the darkest tempered chocolate. She swept it back into a ponytail and applied some light makeup, accentuating her bright green eyes. 

Just before she locked the door Megan picked up her phone and keys, and the S.H.I.E.L.D. badge she wasn't quite ready to part with. She looked over the ID inside, the photograph that was almost seven years old, the service number. Agent Megan Beckett. The 'Agent' was such a part of her identity that she had struggled since the collapse of S.H.I.E.L.D., she couldn't figure out where she would fit into the world, and Coulson's short assignments had provided a welcome distraction.

* * *

"I know this is a little... weirder-than-your-average-weird, Megan. But I think it's right up your alley. And you said you were bored." Coulson smiled. "Allow me to introduce Fandral. One of the warriors three, an ally of Thor."

The man seated across the coffee table stood up and took Megan's hand, kissing her knuckles and bowing. "It is a pleasure to meet you, Agent Beckett."

"Oh, Megan, please. I'm not really an agent of anything anymore. What can I do for you?"

"Thor came to us for help, given we have a little more experience in undercover surveillance. You'll be keeping an eye on Loki, gaining his trust and confidence, and posing as his handmaiden."

Megan laughed loudly. "Because I look like the type- oh my gods you're serious. I mean, I'm good, but I'm no match for Loki. You can't really think this is a good idea."

"You've proven yourself before against his type before, being able to see through illusions and mind control."

"Phil, that was a fluke. It was inconsistent. Knowing someone is trying to screw with your mind and actually blocking it are very different things."

"I can assure you, our servants are very well taken care of. And you'll be under my protection." Fandral said. "We have a way to travel between realms now and can get you back here without alerting him if need be."

"Wouldn't an Asgardian be more convincing?"

"No. He doesn't trust anyone. By bringing you in we can convince him that you are on his side."

"Until he finds out and squashes me like a bug on his rather large windshield?"

"As I said, you'll have my protection. And Sif. You'll be able to get help in an instant if you need it."

"Phil, why? Why are we doing this?"

"Because we know what Loki is capable of. And he knows Thor has friends here. Just a few weeks ago we almost had another 'situation'. He almost killed one of our agents and has put The Winter Soldier in a coma."

"Shouldn't we be thanking him for that?"

"Yes and no. It's a long story. Where's your sense of adventure?"

"Hydra took it."

"Come on. If you didn't want back in the game you wouldn't have risked contacting me. You're bored out of your brain and itching for a mission."

"I thought you'd put in a good word with Stark and get me a cushy admin job!"

"The Megan Beckett I know wouldn't want that." Coulson smiled. He knew he had her, she was just putting up the obligatory 'I don't want to seem too eager' fight.

"OK. When do we start?" Coulson handed her a large satchel. 

"Clothing and homework. Fandral will take you back tomorrow. If you have any questions, direct them to him."

 

* * *

Just after midnight Megan was sitting in the common lounge room with the reading Coulson had given her, studying etiquette, dress and customs of Asgard. Hearing footsteps, she looked up in time to see Fandral sit on the couch opposite. She had to admit, his reputation as an attractive philanderer was so far accurate, at least the attractive part. If he looked a little out of place, he certainly pulled it off with his endearing kind of arrogance. And when he was wearing a billowing, laced up, cream shirt with more ruffles than Megan would be comfortable wearing along with his brown leather pants and boots, that was no small feat.

He smiled over at her. "Just so you know, to me you are an undercover agent doing us a favour. You'll be treated differently than I normally would a handmaiden. But we will still have to act the part, otherwise Loki will see straight through it."

"Am I supposed to be your companion as well as handmaiden?"

"Not necessarily. That certainly happens, but it's not a requirement." He chuckled upon seeing the relief on Megan's face. "You will not have to do anything that makes you uncomfortable. And he knows I am bringing you back from Midgard, do not worry if you don't fit it immediately. Our servants are well treated and respected. You are permitted to speak freely to me as long as you are respectful. With Loki, however... you will need to tread more carefully. He is the king and you must address him as such, no eye contact unless he insists upon it, speak only when spoken to." He frowned and Megan rolled her eyes.

"Oh I'm going to be just perfect for this." 

 

* * *

The following morning Megan dressed in the clothing she had been given, essentially the same dress in slight colour and style variations. She chose mauve, a simple satin style that fell to the floor with a round neckline and sleeves to her elbows. The edging had been finished with a narrow cream lace detail around the hem, sleeves and neck. As servant dress went, it wasn't terrible. Soft satin shoes completed the outfit and she applied a light veil of makeup, braiding her hair tightly over her head, a precise plait hanging down the middle of her back, almost like twisted licorice with a cream satin ribbon tied at the bottom.

"Let's not do that again unless it's absolutely necessary," Megan said quietly to Fandral when they were in his chambers. She hadn't wanted to know how they were being transported there, and her stomach still felt like it had been chopped up and stapled back together in the process. "Sir." She smiled.

He showed her around the adequately sized apartment, she had her own room with a small bed and bathroom, and was free to enter the remaining rooms as needed as long as they weren't in use. She felt unexpectedly comfortable with Fandral, he was like a familiar worn teddy bear in a realm where she felt completely out of place.

Over the next few days, Megan got to know Fandral, her position, the palace and the buildings where Fandral and the other guards were housed. Behind closed doors they could be a little more free in their speech, but out among people Megan was careful to keep her position as servant and show Fandral the considerations that relationship afforded. She was yet to meet Loki on the fifth day, not wanting to be dragged before him without good reason and raise his suspicions. 

On a cool afternoon Fandral was summoned to the throne room on Loki's orders, and he took Megan along. Today she was in a bright green dress, her hair braided down her back and fastened with a black ribbon. She couldn't deny that particular dress was one of her favourites, the green hue brought out her eyes. As they entered the room the boots of the warriors Loki had summoned clopped loudly on the stone floor, the softer soles of Megan's shoes making no sound at all in comparison. She kept her eyes down and stayed behind Fandral, curtseying as he bowed when they were before Loki.  King Loki , she reminded herself. There was silence echoing in the enormous chamber, but she could feel his eyes on her. As she had been taught, she stilled her mind, focusing on her even breath and keeping everything else under the surface like a river that appears almost glass, frozen in time while the current flows fast and deep over the rocks below. As she maintained this and kept her face still and eyes down she now felt his both his eyes and his mind on hers, felt him probing softly, looking for something, and then some other reaction when he found nothing. Megan remained obedient and did not look up at his face, and without doing so she found it impossible to label the feeling before he withdrew. Amusement, perhaps frustration or intrigue. No doubt she would find out eventually. For a moment she wondered idly if she could feel his mind trying to feel it's way into hers, could she gently listen in on his in return. She was fairly certain it would get her killed or severely punished if she attempted it, but she couldn't help but ponder the idea, her desire to find out if it was possible almost convincing her to try. 

"There is some sort of chaos going on in Svartalfheim. Go first thing in the morning, sort it out. I will not have this nonsense." His voice was deep and gravelly, somehow menacing and enchanting at the same time. Each word was weighted and enunciated precisely, as though he had been practicing such conversations all of his life, rehearsing every word, every sentence, every instruction until the words flowed off his tongue like a dark, bittersweet syrup.

"My King, do you have any information about their grievance? Anything we should know?" Fandral asked.

"No. That is your job, Fandral. I do not have either the time or the inclination to solve petty disputes." He bowed his head in understanding. "You are all dismissed and I will have a report the second you return. Do not make me wait this time while you align your stories."

The doors behind them opened and they left. 


	2. Chapter 2

"He was trying to get a read on me," Megan told Fandral when they were back in the safety of his kitchen. 

"I thought so. He had a kind of strangled look on his face." He smiled, taking great pleasure in the tiniest of Loki's failings.

"I couldn't tell without looking at his face."

"So you can not read him like he can do to others?"

"Well I wondered. But he would know, I think. I know I have a bit of ability there, I wish I had developed it now."

"What am I thinking, then?"

"You're thinking about getting into the skirts of Volstagg's sister." She smirked, and then quickly blushed, realising she had way overstepped the mark. "Uh, sir. Forgive me, that was-"

"Exactly what I've been thinking. And I asked, it's ok."

"You're pretty easy to read, you're like a book for the vision impaired."

"A what?"

"One of those books for people who are vision... never mind. They have huge writing in them to make them easier to read."

"Oh." He chuckled. 

"What shall I do tomorrow while you are gone? Is there anything you need? You'll be pleased to know I can perform all of the duties you listed for me."

"I do have a shirt that requires mending. But otherwise just take a day off. Explore if you like. In your clothing there should be a more detailed dress and shawl, you'll fit right in and no one will bother you."

"Consider it done, sir."

 

* * *

The following morning when Fandral left Megan had a leisurely breakfast before she dressed. The dress was a rich plum colour and felt like heavy silk on her skin. It was still fairly plain, but the luxurious fabric and square neckline made it quite different to her everyday wear. Megan threw the ivory shawl over her shoulders and slipped on her shoes, and left to explore the palace grounds, taking a small bag with a book Fandral had loaned her on Asgard's history. 

Whilst she wandered she was approached by one of the Einherjar from the palace. "Your presence is required by the king, maiden. Follow me please,"

"Yes, of course." Megan stood and followed him through the gardens to the palace. The unfathomably high ceilings made her dizzy if she looked up, the ornate carved patterns on every wall made it impossible to forget where she was. She was led to a small room just down the hall from the throne room, the guard opening the door and gesturing her inside. 

Maid momentarily forgot herself, looking around the room. It was elegantly decorated, too much for her taste but what she would expect for a king. She guessed this was like Loki's office, it had a dark, oppressive and menacing, the deep green heavy drapes looked as though they might just smother anyone who displeased them or their master, animating themselves from the window like a large ghoul. As her eyes scanned the room she spotted Loki sitting in a large chair at the other end, and her gaze met his for just a second before she realised he was real and alive. He was sitting so straight and still, regarding her with an unmoving curious gaze, the same way she assumed his blue eyes might look at a deer, if he were one to hunt for his own food. Megan immediately dropped to one knee, her head bowed. Far more formal than was required, particularly outside the formal rooms, but she had to make up for her disrespect.

"My King. Please allow me to apologise, I didn't realise you-"

"Stand. You may speak freely and raise your eyes in this room. In fact I insist upon it if you are speaking or being spoken to. Unless you are told otherwise. Now stand up."

Megan brought herself back to her feet and stood confidently in front of him while he looked her up and down. He motioned her forward and unfolded himself gracefully from the chair to examine her more closely, and Megan finally got the chance to subtly do the same. His leather and metal coat showed strips of vibrant green, like long green strips of parkland surrounded by industrial facilities. His scent, although still a couple of paces away, was distinct, the smooth scent of leather combining with another subtle spicy aroma. 

Loki looked her over closely as he had felt compelled to do since the day before when he had first seen her. She was a little taller than most Midgardian women he had met, and the way she carried herself made her appear even taller. She walked with an ease, a confident and self - assured glide, that he had never seen in a servant. Her dark hair was not Fandral's usual choice, but Loki had to fist his hands to stop from running his hands through it, imagining how it would feel as it trailed through his fingers like strands of dark brown silk. Loki stared in to her eyes, they were bright and green and sparkling like emeralds. Looking beyond their stunning colour he tried to see her thoughts, to get a glimpse of what made her tick, something that might give away why she didn't quite fit in. Something that he could leverage, something he could exploit and make her crack. 

But there was nothing. Megan held the calm in her mind, peaceful and still, and although she could just barely feel him probing her, his expression was that of someone exerting a great deal of mental effort. Megan kept her gaze on a point behind him but could feel his eyes burning in to her while his mind pushed like a child would tentatively poke a water balloon, wanting to feel without having it burst. 

"Megan, isn't it?" He said in a low voice. Megan wasn't expecting him to speak and almost jumped out of her skin, toning it down to a mild tremor.

"Yes, my king."

"Megan you may speak freely here. As long as you are respectful you may drop the title." A smile touched his lips, but his eyes remained unchanged. It was unsettling. "I must confess you have made me a little curious. I knew Fandral had gone to Midgard for a new handmaiden, presumably word of his noncommittal philandering with his previous servants had spread so far that he was unable to find a willing victim in the entire realm. You are not his usual flavour, my dear. His type is normally fair and pliable, and you are most certainly neither of those things. Are you, Megan?"

Momentarily lost for words and voice, Megan cleared her throat and forced her eyes to look at Loki's. "Perhaps he wanted something different, someone who would be a handmaiden and nothing more."

"Perhaps. You are human, are you not? With human parents?"

Interesting question. They weren't frogs, if that's what you're thinking.  "Yes. C-can I ask why you would ask?"

"Most people's minds are an open book to me, especially humans. Yours is... different. As though you are immune to my attempts." He put a hand to his chin and tilted his head to one side. He was overcome with a desire to figure her out, pull her to pieces like a wind-up music box and see her insides, see what happened if he were to put them back in a different order. He took her jaw forcefully in his vice-like grip and snapped her head upward, rearing himself up so he was looking down into her startled face. "If you are blocking me deliberately, it will not bode well for you!" He tried again, and Megan used all her energy to keep her expression frozen and her mind calm and still. With his glare burning in to her eyes it took every ounce of practice she'd had. Unsuccessful, he released her gently and returned to sit down on the chair.

"You may go back to whatever you were doing, Megan. Thank you for coming." He startled her with his calm, quiet voice. 

Megan bowed her head and left the room, walking slowly back the way she had come, admiring the detail in the palace as she made her way back to the garden. For the rest of the day she was unable to concentrate on anything but Loki. The way he could turn so suddenly, like a giant being controlled by a lunatic and a gentleman inside his head, flicking switches and throwing levers at will. His icy blue eyes were burned in to her brain, the expression on his face as he regarded her with curiosity and wonder, and the cold glare that had penetrated her soul as he appeared to make himself physically taller than he was so that he could look down on her like he thought he deserved.


	3. Chapter 3

Fandral returned late in the evening and Megan prepared him a light supper, taking away his torn and soiled clothes. They talked about her encounter with the king. 

"You were not scared?" He asked. 

"Startled, yes. But not scared enough to let my guard down. If I had, he'd know it was deliberate, and we'd be screwed."

"Screwed?"

"Yeah, like... uh,"  fucked, buggered, rooted, stuffed,  "done for?"

"Ah, right. He would not really hurt you on such flimsy pretense. I hate to admit it, but he has reformed a little since his time in the dungeons. If he would just free Thor and tell us what happened to Odin..."

"If he did that you'd support him as king?"

"If Odin is dead, and Thor does not want the throne," he shrugged. "I guess so. I will never trust him. But all we really want is Thor released and Odin returned... one way or another."

 

* * *

After a month Megan felt like she was beginning to fit in. She no longer got lost on a daily basis while running errands for Fandral, and she had made a few friends with the other servants. Late at night in the palace kitchens talk between the servants had turned to Loki's latest handmaiden, Sera. 

"Has anyone seen or spoken to her in the last week?" Kirilee asked worriedly. 

There was silence and a few of the women shook their heads.

Kirilee sighed. "I thought she was going to last longer. She was strong and smart."

"What do you think happened to her?" Megan asked.

"Just like the ones before her I guess. He takes pleasure in breaking them down, he tortures them with illusions, he visits their dreams, sometimes he beats and then heals them and beats them again. And if none of that works they become his personal play toy. When they're broken, sad and paranoid and unable to define reality from illusion, he discards them and gets a new one. Most have gone out to the farming areas to recuperate but I don't know if any of them will recover."

Megan gulped.  And this is the reformed version? What have I got myself in to?

Loki had visited her a couple of times while he happened to wander past her in the grounds, and she was certain it was no accident. Whenever she was near the palace she could feel his eyes on her, feel him probing gently for a weakness, either in her body or her mind. This only spurred her on, she spent much of her spare time meditating or exercising.

The following morning she was in her pajamas, mid push-up, when Fandral knocked softly on her bedroom door. "S-sorry sir, I didn't think you'd be awake for another hour. I'll prepare breakfast right away."

"Relax, Megan. I am not even hungry yet." He frowned. "Are you well? You seem to be perspiring."

"Yes, I'm fine. I was just exercising. I can only do it inside my room so I get up early. Did I wake you?"

"No, I just came to talk to you about Loki. He has released his handmaiden, Sera."

"Is she alright?"

"She appears to be, yes. Skittish, as they all are. But otherwise she will be fine. I think he is going to go after you, I wanted you to be prepared. I do not think you will get a choice, or any time to get used to the idea."

That moment of realisation when everything is going exactly to plan, and it's terrifying.

"OK. Good, this what we wanted. Ah, let me get dressed and we can talk over breakfast?"

"Of course. Take your time," he smiled. "Feel free to finish what you were doing, you will need all the strength you can get."

That's comforting.

 

* * *

"I have a proposition for you, Fandral, and I think we will both be pleased. I would like to take your handmaiden as my own."

"My King, I don't see why that would please me. Why would I agree to that when it was I who brought her all the way here?"

"Oh, my mistake. Proposition implies that you have a choice. You do not."

"It do not suppose I will be compensated for the inconvenience?"

Loki thought for a moment, his hand massaging his chin and jaw.

"Yes. Handsomely in fact. You can have Sera. She is much more your type, fair and weak and soft in mind and body."

"You mean I can rehabilitate her. You are too kind, my king." His words dripped with sarcasm and resentment but Loki chose to ignore the fact and play along.

"I told you we would both be pleased." He turned his stare to Megan. "You have an hour to be in my chambers, Megan. Do not keep me waiting."

"Yes, my king." Megan said.

 

* * *

"You will speak only when spoken to. If you have a need to speak to me you will wait with your head down until I tell you to speak. You will look at me when speaking or being spoken to only. Other times are only at my request. I will tell you when I want something, and you will bring it to me without question. When your duties are finished for the day you may go to your room or you may visit friends but you are to be in your room by 10pm. While you are my servant you will wear servant dress, unless I decide otherwise. You will not, at any time, speak to another man unless he is above your station and you are ordered to. Understand?"

"Yes, my king."

"Eyes up, Megan."

"I understand, my king." She repeated, her eyes locking on his. They were blue like submerged icebergs, and equally as cold.

"Sit down," he said, gesturing to a black leather couch. Everything in Loki's chambers was dark, oppressive, a heavy combination of cold hard metal and polished stone contrasting with dark hardwood and leather. Lingering in the cool air was a faint scent from the leather and wood, mixing with Loki's slightly spicy aroma. Loki's chambers were noticeably cooler than Fandral's had been, and she wondered if Loki himself was cool or warm.

Megan sat down on the couch and waited for Loki to speak before raising her eyes to his. "I am not as hard on my servants as rumours would have you believe. I expect a lot from you but I will not treat you with cruelty, and if you are honest and obedient with me I think you will find me almost pleasant. If you disobey me I will live up to my reputation, and you will see how powerful I truly am." 

Gulp. What have I done?

"Of course, my king."


	4. Chapter 4

After a few days Megan had settled a little in Loki's presence. Being the king, he had servants to do everything for him, Megan was just there to clean up after him, make sure he kept his appointments, and get anything he needed. Just over a week into her position she noticed that more and more he was finding excuses for her to stay later, making it impossible for her to go out in the evening before her curfew. Megan guessed that he was lonely, but rather than admit it he would have a handmaiden whose purpose was to keep him company. He even insisted on debriefing about his day with her over a drink some nights, although Megan rarely spoke. She got the impression he would have done the same with a cat or other domesticated animal if he could make them sit still long enough. 

On this particular evening when Megan's work was done she hoped to get out and see some of the other servants, she had stayed at home every night for five days straight now. As though he was watching her get ready, Loki knocked softly on her door. 

"Do you need something, my king?"

"Ah, yes. I was wondering if you'd join me for a drink?"

"Oh. I was going to go out for a little while, but I can stay."

As he closed the door she sighed. She knew this was a ploy to isolate her, to wear her down and break her. It was a pattern he repeated with every handmaiden he had. 

 

* * *

"I want to know about you, Megan. About your life, your life before. On Midgard."

"Oh, ok. There's not much to tell,"  still mind, otherwise he'll know you're lying,  "I was an admin assistant for a logistics company. Boring, really."

"Do you have friends?"

"Back on Earth? Yes. A few."

"Family? Boyfriend?"

"With all due respect, my king, why do you want to know about me? I'm just a servant, offered a chance to escape to an exotic realm to be a handmaiden to a warrior. There's nothing fancy or mysterious about me." She looked down at her hands.

"But there is, Megan. Something about you intrigues me. You are not Fandral's usual type and I wonder why he would choose you." As he spoke Megan could see a long snake slithering across the floor toward her. She knew it was an illusion, the first of Loki's she had been certain of, and it had a distinct green glow around it. The 'tell' she got when someone was using telepathic powers, illusions, magic, varied from one person to another. Obviously this green glow was how she would see Loki. She did not move or pay any attention to it, and she saw Loki stiffen from the corner of her eye, he had clearly been hoping for more of a reaction. "Are you not afraid of snakes?" He asked, frowning. 

"I'm not." She said as the snake slithered under the couch and presumably disappeared. 

"Well then I wonder," Loki said thoughtfully. "If you'd been warned about my illusions. Or if it's something else, something you're not telling me. Are you afraid of me, Megan?"

"I... I am, my king. Yes."

"You need only be if you betray me. I do not rule by fear, I rule by respect. So, out of respect you will answer my question. Boyfriend? Family?"

"Family, yes. Two younger brothers. No boyfriend."

Loki sat back and crossed one ankle over his other knee, stroking his chin and regarding Megan with a curious frown. “You do not trust me.”

Why would I?  “Should I? I mean no disrespect, but trust and respect are earned, not given freely. In my realm at least.”

“And that’s turned out so well for you, hasn’t it.” Megan bit down on her tongue to stop from saying something he would make her regret. She kept his gaze but said nothing. “So you think, even though I am the King of Asgard, I should somehow earn the respect and trust of a handmaiden?”

“At the risk of being somehow punished, yes. I do. May I speak freely for a moment, my king?”

“You may. You may even call me Loki if that helps me gain your trust.”

“No one actually knows what happened to Odin, so they can only assume that you are in some way responsible for his disappearance, and that you did not ascend the throne honestly. Some sort of deception was involved, wasn’t it? Or did you just kill him? Either way, that’s not the way to rule by respect. Everyone in Asgard fears you, they are afraid that you will kill them if they speak out of turn, and that you do not have their interests at heart. You only serve yourself.”

“You clearly do not share that fear.” he hissed through clenched teeth. Megan’s brain told her to backtrack a little but her mouth kept going, and she shrugged before continuing.

“I’m just answering your questions, Loki.” She met his gaze evenly and knew she had overstepped the mark, but it was too late.

Before Megan could blink he was in front of her, pulling her to her feet with a hand on her throat and making himself tower over her again. She could barely breathe, but was grateful for the tiny amount of air he was allowing through, knowing he could crush her throat easily with his fingers.

“Answer me this, then, maiden.” he seethed. “Why can I not see your mind? Why is it blank? Because you are blocking, or because you are not who you say?”

“I… neither…” Megan gasped. 

“Answer me!” he almost screamed. “How did you know the snake was not real?”

“Loki… my king… please,” He released her throat and allowed her body to crumple ungracefully to the floor, as though he had removed her skeleton temporarily, and she gasped for breath. 

“I am waiting, Megan, and I do not like waiting.”

“I am sorry, my king. I do not know the how or why, but the snake… I could just see that it was an illusion, like it didn’t belong. I am human, from human parents, I am a regular, boring, woman from Earth. I do not have an answer.” Megan could feel tears stinging her eyes and willed them away, the mental exertion from that, the oxygen deprivation and her no-longer-calm mind was almost too much. She could barely keep her face off the floor and found it impossible to look at him, taking in long drawn out breaths to try to get her brain working again.


	5. Chapter 5

Megan was suddenly aware of two firm hands on her shoulders, and she instinctively flinched away. This close, her nose filled with Loki’s scent, and she could hear him breathing raggedly, as though he had just sprinted a short distance. He put his large hands back on to her shoulders, squeezing with his long pale fingers, and Megan waited for whatever pain was coming. She opened her eyes and saw that he was in fact crouched in front of her, squeezing her shoulders gently rather than menacingly, with a concerned frown on his face.

“I am sorry, Megan. Are you alright?”

Oh yes, my all powerful, bucket full of crazy king. Aside from the near suffocation, I’m just fantastic!

Megan nodded weakly. She was actually feeling almost herself and had regained her composure, but she knew better than to give away her own strength. She was supposed to be a servant girl, after all.

“I am not used to people being able to block me, or see through me, and I find it rather unsettling.”

Also you have major rage issues. Wait, was that an apology?

Megan didn’t move. She was sitting back on her heels, folded up on the floor with her hands on her thighs and her head bowed. She was surprised when Loki walked away, and she wondered what he was up to. By the time he returned her legs were numb and she couldn’t have stood with her usual agility even if she wanted to. She could smell sweet tea, thinking he had made it for himself as a gesture to her. It was only when he put the cup down on the table in front of her she realised he had made tea for her, and she remained on the floor and drank it in silence. 

"Anything you would like to say, Megan, you may say now without fear of punishment. Go ahead, speak your mind." 

Without looking at him, she spoke calmly and evenly. "You say you mean to rule not by fear but with respect. When I am unfazed by your tricks, you choke me. That isn't respect, Loki. It's fear. I know that I am not your equal, I am your servant and you will treat me as such. But you will find that you gain more loyalty by treating people with respect, not just demanding it for yourself. Earn it. You asked me last week if I would be loyal to you, and I said yes. I lied. I can not ever be loyal to someone who treats people the way you do. And I can never trust you."

He sighed and opened his mouth to say something, but she spoke again before he could form the words. "Thank you for the tea, my king. May I retire to my chambers now? It is after ten." He nodded, and she walked confidently to her room, closing the door and wishing it had a lock. Not for security, but for the symbolism of actually locking him out rather than just closing the door. While she undressed she could see ugly welts and purple bruising already forming around her throat and neck, clearly in the shape of Loki's large hand. 

Megan knew she could withstand this, she had fought back against worse while she was an agent and she would do so again. Her problem was fighting back while maintaining a calm unreadable mind and the presence of a meek servant, otherwise Loki would simply crush and forget about her. Collapsing in to bed, Megan would replay the incident over and over in her dreams, and wake from a restless and broken sleep before the sun had risen.

 

* * *

Megan was so tired and sore she didn't know if she could go on. She dragged herself from her bed and showered, dressing quickly in her mauve dress and braiding her hair. Without looking too closely at her neck mottled with black bruises, she went to the dining room to lay out Loki's breakfast and was surprised to find him already there with two places set at the table.

"I'm sorry my king, are you expecting company? Did I forget an appointment this morning?"

"No. I am expecting you. Sit." He gestured to the empty chair.

Megan sat down and waited for further instructions. "That breakfast is for you, Megan. Eat."

"Yes, my king."

"Loki is fine."

"Yes. Loki."

"Allow me to apologise for last night. I forgot myself and I should not have handled you that way."

"It is already forgotten."

He reached a hand toward her, trying to look at her throat, and she flinched away. "I would like to heal it for you, if you would allow me?" 

"No."  I want you to see the bruises. I want everyone to see the bruises. You don't deserve trust or respect, and the remorse that seeps into your voice is something I want to hear at least until they have faded away.  "Thank you, my- Loki. I'm fine."

"Very well. You will not leave here until they are no longer noticeable. I do not want people thinking I am beating you."  You ARE beating me!  Megan could feel the undercurrents in her mind swelling and bulging toward the surface, threatening at any moment to bubble over. "Megan, how do I earn your trust?"

"I don't know if you can. Could we just go back to me doing my job, serving you, and you being the king?"

"For now, yes."

"Then if you'll excuse me I have chores to do. My king." She bowed her head and left the room, retreating to her own for a short meditation to calm her mind.


	6. Chapter 6

In the following few weeks Megan fell into a comfortable routine, taking care of her chores and spending the rest of her time in her room when Loki was there unless he needed something. Her bruises healed, and keeping her mind still was now second nature, requiring almost no thought. It was actually quite pleasant and the rest began to settle as well, she felt calm not only on the surface, but beneath it. Loki had not approached her again except for her duties, and although it was at odds with her mission, Megan relished the little bit of freedom where she didn't have to worry about anything else, and her fear of Loki had faded almost completely. 

"Can we talk, Megan?" He said late one night, offering her a drink and a spot on the couch in front of the fire. Megan accepted the glass and sank down into the soft dark leather, feeling the warmth of the smouldering embers on her knees and face. "I want you to ask me some questions. Anything you like."

Megan looked to his face, glowing orange in the flickering light from the fire, searching for some sort of meaning or motive behind his words. He was trying to be more open with her and it showed on his face, it was relaxed and he even had a hint of a smile on his lips, his icy blue eyes looking in to hers.

"Um, ok. Why me? Why did you insist on taking me from Fandral?"

"I told you, you fascinate me. I do not understand why my abilities have little effect on you, why your mind is closed to me. I need to know. And the way you carry yourself, your confidence, my first impression was that you are a servant who needs to learn her place. Honestly my first thought was to break you, as it always is, but when I momentarily took away that confidence, saw the fear that I brought to your eyes that evening... I do not want that anymore. I guess I still want to know what makes you tick, but I do not necessarily want to pull you apart to find out."

Megan was shocked. She was fairly sure that was the most honest thing he had ever said to her, and fairly sure it was all true. 

“I can honestly tell you I don’t know why I see through you. I actually don’t understand why everyone else can’t. Can I ask what happened to Odin?”

Megan immediately regretted asking, knowing she had again overstepped. Of course he wasn’t going to tell her, and she guessed there was some sort of punishment coming for her invasive question. Loki’s face hardened, his eyes narrowed and she saw his fists clench. Mentally she braced for some sort of impact.

“You can ask.” he forced through gritted teeth. “But I will not tell you. I do not want to talk about that.”

“I shouldn’t have asked that, I’m sorry. Do you plan on releasing Thor?”

Megan almost jumped out of her chair when she heard him laugh softly, it was so unexpected it was almost comical.

“You do not back down from a fight, do you? I will release him eventually, I suppose I should return the favour. Not yet, though. Not until I can be sure that all of Asgard knows that I am the rightful king and I will not be undermined by that oaf. He can go and rot in Midgard with his precious Jane as he so desires.”

Silence hung in the air like a fog, settling over the room like a soft blanket. After what felt like hours, Loki spoke, snapping Megan out of her own thoughts.

“Anything else?”

“No, my king. Thank you for being honest with me, it tells me a great deal about you.”

“Well then I would like you to be honest with me.”

Walked right in to that one, Beckett. Here it comes.

“Of course.” He paused for so long that Megan wondered if he hoped she would just spill out all of her secrets, she was almost afraid to sip her drink in case the act of opening her mouth would set off an unstoppable river of truths.

“You are purposefully blocking my attempts to read you.” It wasn’t a question, and yet she was still expected to answer. 

“In a way, yes. I have learned to keep my mind still, and I know if I hold on to that it is apparently like looking in to a glass of clear water. You don’t see the water, only the bottom of the glass, just as you can see my mind, but not what’s happening in it. As for the illusions, I have absolutely no idea why I can see through them. They’re not something I’ve encountered often, but I see some sort of ‘tell’ when someone is using magic or telepathy. With the snake I saw it surrounded by a green light, and that’s when I knew it wasn’t real.”

“You deceive me by hiding your thoughts.” he said quietly.

“Would we have the capacity to think without speaking aloud if our thoughts were not intended to be private?”

“Part of me wants to beat you into submission, to break you and force you open up to me and let me see inside.” Megan was momentarily stunned by the softness of his voice contrasted with his harsh words, she looked down into her lap and said nothing. “But perhaps you are having an effect on me, Megan. We will try this your way. If I gain your trust, if I am honest with you… will you be honest with me?”

She met his stare, his softened expression only betrayed by his penetrating blue eyes. If not for that she would have sworn someone else had taken over his body. “Yes. I will, Loki.”

“Very well. I would like to alter our arrangement, if you agree to the terms. The thought occurs that you are capable of much more than picking up after me, your talents are wasted here. I would like you to be more of an assistant, an advisor, a companion. You seem to know far more about people than I do, and you think I’m doing such a terrible job as king… perhaps you could help me do better.”

Megan’s brain hadn’t caught up to the last sentence yet, she was hung up on one word.  Companion. Did he really just say that? Does that mean what I think it means? I can’t do that. I won’t. 

“Megan?”

“Ah, sorry. Um. Firstly, I never said you were doing a terrible job as king-”

“I challenge you to find one person in the entire realm who  doesn’t  think I’m doing a terrible job. You might not have said it in so many words, but you certainly feel that way. Am I wrong?”

“No. You’re not wrong at all. I will freely give you my opinion, but please know I know nothing about what you do. And secondly-”

“You know about respect and trust and those are two things I have a problem with.”

“Ok. Secondly, what do you mean by companion?”

“Oh, my dear, I do not mean for you to share my bed if that’s what you’re thinking.”

“Then I accept.” 


	7. Chapter 7

Megan very quickly learned that the only way to get through to Loki was allowing him to think that everything was his idea. He was controlling to the extreme, and although he claimed to want her advice, and appeared to listen to what she had to say, ultimately most of it was ignored. The best thing to come of her very minor promotion was more freedom, particularly during the day, and she was finally able to arrange a legitimate meeting with Fandral in the gardens without fear of Loki finding out what they were up to.

“Well look at you! I thought Loki might chew you up and spit you out, not promote you and ask for your advice!”

“Yes, well, he might ask my advice but he certainly doesn’t take it. Small steps though. How is Thor?”

“Holding up. He has stopped trying to break through the walls so that is something,” Fandral chuckled. “Do you think you will get through to Loki?”

“I don’t know. Eventually, I think. He offered yesterday, if I’d let him into my mind, he would release Thor. Only he wouldn’t, he would see the truth, see how I got here, and probably kill me and keep Thor locked up forever.”

“Was he not angry? That you refused?”

“Oh yes.” Megan recalled the moment after she had denied him, saying it wasn’t trust if he had to see for himself. He had grabbed her upper arms hard enough to leave hand-shaped bruises and slammed her backwards, pinning her to the wall while he tried to force her.  Old habits die hard, apparently. He wanted to break me open like a coconut.  Her head throbbed again in agreement.

* * *

When she returned to Loki he was sitting on the couch, reading a book with his legs folded in front of him. Wearing plain black trousers and a loose-fitting black shirt, he almost looked like a regular person. He looked up as she opened the door, and she saw the hint of a smile on his lips, the tiniest twinkle dancing in his blue eyes.

“You look lovely today, I do not think I told you that this morning.”

“Thank you. For the new clothes as well, they’re beautiful.”

“You are very welcome.” He stood and walked toward her, now standing in the small kitchen. “I owe you an apology for yesterday. I lost my temper.”

Yes you do. I don’t crack that easily. 

“You do not owe me anything, Loki. I am your servant.”

“Did I hurt you?”

“No,”

“Liar. Let me heal you.”

“Please don’t, Loki. I’m fine.”

“Megan-”

“If you are going to beat me and heal me and beat me again, how am I different to the others? Tell me how I’m different, Loki. Tell me how you’ve changed your mind about wanting to break me, while you’re slamming my head against a wall. If you heal me, you get away with it. You get to stop feeling guilty, and that’s the only reason you want to do it. You say you want to be a better man, a better king, earn my trust. That means thinking of someone other than yourself!”

Megan suddenly realised she was yelling, and she was crying. She felt as though she was watching herself from behind, it wasn’t her voice, her tears, they belonged to someone else. Where did Agent Beckett undercover end and Megan the assistant to the king of Asgard begin? The line had shifted and blurred, and she could feel her former self fading not only physically but mentally, pieces of her falling away and being replaced by this new self.

Returned to her own presence, she looked down at the floor and braced for Loki’s assault. She knew she would be punished severely for her outburst, and realistically she probably deserved it. She saw Loki’s feet appear in front of her, his bare skin making no sound on the cold polished stone floor, and she jammed her eyes shut, squeezing tears that broke away, betraying her as they fell to the skirt of her pale green dress.

“Look at me, Megan.” he commanded. She shook her head, refusing to watch while he gave her more bruises.  I prefer to see the finished work rather than watch the creation of it. He raised her hand and even as she flinched away he grabbed her jaw with his huge hand, snapping her head up so he was looking in to her face. “I said look at me!”

Megan opened her eyes, blinking a couple of times to focus. Loki’s mouth was sealed into a line with rage, as though pressing his lips together might dissipate some of the anger. His eyes burned in to hers like ice and his jaw was clenched so hard that she could see the ripple of the muscles in his hollow cheeks. 

“You are different.” he said slowly, carefully enunciating every syllable even through his clenched jaw and gritted teeth. “You make me… feel things. You have somehow got under my skin, I know not how, but I know it is deliberate, and you will tell me exactly what you are up to. One way or another, you will let me in.” He drew out the last sentence, hissing every word at her as though he was trying to make her understand another language by forcing it down her throat.

The negative emotions bubbling inside her suddenly broke their banks and spilled forth, fresh tears streaming down her face and words flowing from her mouth without any thought of stopping. 

“You say I make you feel things, Loki? What sort of things? I am just dying to know. I would guess anger, and hatred, and a burning desire to crush my mortal little neck with your bare hands, just to feel the light snuff out in my eyes. But even those emotions aren’t real, because you are too fucking broken to feel anything. You think you are better than everyone else, you think yourself superior. You are not. You took the throne by deception and trickery, you did not earn it, and you will never earn the trust or respect of your people for the same reason. You are nothing but a scared, sad, broken little boy who wants to make the world as miserable as he is!”

Realising he had released his grip on her jaw, Megan turned and ran. She expected him to catch her, knowing he could without breaking a sweat, but it no longer mattered. Run, stay, either way he was going to track her down and dole out whatever punishment he felt was appropriate.

When Megan realised she wasn’t being followed, she was nearing the edge of the palace grounds. Slowing to a walk, she suddenly realised it was early evening and bitterly cold. Refusing to go back, she huddled herself against a tree with the futile hope that Loki wouldn’t find her.

Some time later, shivering and sleepy, Megan heard him walking toward her. She didn’t know how she knew that it was Loki, she just knew, and without opening her eyes she felt him throw a cloak around her shoulders. Now she could smell him, it surrounded her and she found it strangely comforting, being wrapped in the soft, heavy fabric and immersed in his scent. He scooped her off the ground and began to walk, and realising she had run out of fight he pulled her head against his chest and she didn’t resist.


	8. Chapter 8

Back in Loki’s chambers he put her down gently on the couch in front of the fire, and she put her frozen hands out toward it, feeling the burn on her palms. He handed her a hot cup of sweet tea and sat down next to her.

“Drink.” he said, and she took a slow sip, letting the hot liquid trickle over her tongue and down her throat, warming her from the inside.

“Thank you. For the tea, and the cloak.”

Loki sat beside her staring into the flickering fire in pensive silence.

“Only one woman has ever had the audacity to speak to me that way,” he said finally. His voice was soft and gentle, but she wondered if that was just so she wouldn’t expect the blow that was inevitably coming. “She was one of only two people I have ever truly loved and respected in my life. You are playing a dangerous game here, Megan. The safest thing you can do right now is return to Midgard.”

“Are you releasing me? Would you allow me to return?”

“Yes. I do not like feeling like this, I am not in control. I never know if I am going to hurt you or… something else. So yes, you should return to Midgard.”

Emotions slammed into Megan like a freight train, and before she could process any of them tears were streaming down her cheeks and she was trembling. Loki pulled her on to his lap and she felt him inhale her hair, which now fell loose over her shoulders. Megan was unable to make sense of anything. This was the man who choked her, cracked her head into a wall and left her with bruises again and again. And yet in his lap, in his arms, she felt something unexpected. He was soft and gentle and she felt safe. She didn’t want to return home yet, and she wasn’t entirely convinced that was only because her mission was incomplete. Without either of them realising it, Megan had laid her head on his chest, and Loki was running his fingers slowly through her hair.

* * *

Megan pulled the blankets around her and snuggled into her pillow, praying that it wasn't yet light outside. Opening one eye she could see that it was still dark, but there was a very faint glow around the edge of the curtains and she knew the sun would be up soon. She sat up in bed and rubbed her face. Her eyes felt like sandpaper and her nose and cheeks were puffy. She sniffled a little and the full force of the night before came back to her. She had been curled up on Loki's lap, in his arms. And now she was in bed in her pajamas. Curling her knees up to her chest, she buried her face in the blanket between them. She had no idea what was going on, but the stillness she had felt only a couple of days ago was long gone, replaced with a tumult of emotions she struggled to keep in check.  I want this to be over. I want to let him in, I want him to know the truth. I want him to trust me and to trust him, I want to feel the security I felt in his arms.

With that thought her face snapped up and she clapped a hand over her mouth.  No. No, Megan. You could never... not with him... he's a god, a murderer, a crazy bastard who can't control his temper. You should be back in Midgard as quickly as he will send you. And yet... he could have easily sent me last night, and he didn't. Why?

Before she knew what she was doing, Megan was up and in the shower, and then putting on the emerald green dress Loki had given her. It was heavy silk, just like the plum one she had brought with her, and felt like heaven on her skin. She left her hair loose, brushing it carefully so it fell straight down her back. 

She was startled to find Loki already up and dressed in leather pants and a deep green shirt. He looked up at her from the couch with a look of... remorse? Regret? Megan couldn't pin it down. As she walked out he stood up and moved toward her, tentatively as though he expected her to pull away or strike him. She stood in front of him, silent, looking in to his eyes for some sort of sign or unspoken word, and saw nothing but pale blue, tinged red as though he hadn't slept. He reached to her sides and took her hands in his, bringing them together, sandwiched between his own, Megan's disappearing in the sheer size of his palms and length of his fingers as they clasped around them. Loki looked down at their entwined hands and then back into Megan's bright green eyes, seeing how red and raw they were.

"Megan, I am sorry. For everything I have done, I am sorry. I have not cared this deeply for anyone before, and I have no right to upset you and hurt you the way that I have. If you would like to go home, I will send you immediately."

"Why didn't you send me last night?"

"I could not just send you to another realm in that state. I put you to bed and stayed here to make sure you were alright. Are you? Alright?"

"I don't know. Do you want me to go back?"

"I want you to be safe. I do not want to hurt you any more."

"So don't."

He released her hands and ran his fingers through his hair, exasperated. He gazed down into her eyes and put one hand gently on to her cheek, and Megan instinctively leaned into his palm, feeling it's warmth and softness on her skin. Before she could think Loki's lips were on hers, soft and gentle, as though just with that one act he might break her. After a few seconds he pulled away and rubbed her cheek bone with his thumb. 

"Loki," Megan whispered. 

"I am sorry. I could not let you go without... gather your things and we will go." He turned away and walked toward his bed chamber.

"Wait," she said quietly. "I'm not sure I want to."

"You should be. I am a monster. I have hurt you and I will hurt you again."

"Please, Loki. Let me think about it. Unless you want to send me away."

"Never," he said it so softly Megan wasn't sure she had heard it at all, but she wasn't about to ask him to repeat it. "But I will give you some time to think about it."


	9. Chapter 9

They both went about their day, awkward as it was after that morning, and Megan was grateful to have some time to herself while Loki went out in the afternoon. He didn't return until after dinner, and she was fighting not to fall asleep in front of the fire.

"Have you eaten, my king?"

"Yes, Megan, I have." He said wearily. "And you can drop the formalities after this morning, don't you think?"

"Am I not still your servant? Your assistant?"

"Yes. But you do not need to address me so formally. Loki is fine. I insist."

"Would you like a drink then, Loki?" 

He smiled, almost imperceptibly, but she saw it in his eyes. "Yes, please." 

They sat together on the couch for what felt like hours, in silence. Eventually Loki spoke, "Have you decided, or do you need more time?"

"I want to stay, at least for a little longer. I'm actually beginning to like it here."

"I can not promise anything, but I will try to be more patient, and do better."

"I've never felt conflicted like this. You asked me if I was afraid of you, and I am. Terrified at times. And yet in your arms I felt so safe, like everything was right in the world. It doesn't make any sense, the man I want to protect me is the same man I fear."

"That man you fear has never wanted to protect anyone like he wants to protect you. Even from himself. That is why I wanted to send you back to Midgard."

He reached out for her hair, letting it run like strands of silk through his fingers. As she looked in to his eyes, Megan wished she could just spill everything out, let him see the reason she had come here. But that fear was real, and legitimate. If he knew, he would at least hurt her severely, if not kill her without another thought. 

He brought his face closer, and Megan closed the distance to him, kissing his lips. Gently at first, but with increasing eagerness, until she felt his tongue lightly probe her lips apart and the hand in her hair moved behind her neck, pulling her in. With one smooth movement he lifted her into his lap without breaking the kiss and sucked her bottom lip, mingling his tongue with hers. Megan's hand went into Loki's hair, tangling her fingers in it, the other resting on his firm chest, feeling the muscles through the soft fabric of his shirt. She could hear him breathing in to her, smell his comforting spicy scent, and he tasted like the spirits they had been drinking. His fingertips trailed from her neck down her spine, resting on her waist and pulling her in, and Megan failed in her attempt to stop a soft moan from escaping into his mouth. Loki withdrew his lips slowly from hers and tipped her head back gently, kissing lightly down her throat and making her breath catch.

Abruptly he planted her on her feet in front of him and stood up, leading her by the hand to his bed chamber. Keeping his eyes locked on hers, he unfastened her dress and slipped it off her shoulders, letting it fall to the floor. Megan couldn't help but notice his eyes widen as he looked over her toned body, clearly not what he was expecting. She took the hem of his shirt and slipped it over his head, revealing the soft smooth skin over his chest. He laid her gently on the bed and straddled her thighs, his hands holding his weight over her shoulders while he looked her over. Megan was amazed at how gentle he could be, knowing the strength he had and what he was capable of, she was consistently surprised by his tenderness.

Megan was awash with sensation as he kissed her neck and ran a hand lightly over her inner thighs, parting them and rubbing over her mound. He held himself on one elbow and stared down at her again, removing his other hand and kissing her lips gently. "Megan, are you sure? This is what you want?" She nodded quickly and pulled his mouth back to hers, slipping her tongue into his mouth to massage his and running her other hand slowly and deliberately over his neck, his chest, his nipples, his abs, and the trail of soft dark hair that disappeared under the waistband of his pants. She unfastened them and moved her hands to his back as he kissed her neck and put a hand between them to remove her underwear, suckling at her breast on his way back to her mouth and slipping a finger between her folds. 

He groaned at the feeling of her, so soft and warm and wet on his fingertips, so fragile and lovely, pliable under his large hands. He brought his mouth back to hers, sucking her tongue into his mouth while she clawed down his back to his pants and slipped them off, digging her fingers into the soft flesh of his ass. He kicked them off to the floor and Megan reached between them to stroke the erection pressing in to her hip. She almost gasped at the size, he was much larger than she had imagined, and he moaned heavily into her mouth as she stroked over the tip and down over the length. Breaking the kiss he looked down at her again, his eyes dark, searching hers for permission. 

"Loki," she breathed. "Take me. Please."

He positioned himself between her thighs and took his weight on his elbows, kissing her gently while he brought the tip of his shaft just inside her. Megan felt herself stretching around him, and as he slid further inside she ached to feel him deep inside, penetrating her. Giving her time to get used to his girth, he slipped in and out with slow thrusts of his hips, giving her a little more each time, painfully slow and gentle. Loki locked his eyes on hers, watching them widen and brighten as he thrust in to her, his own eyes dark with lust and desire. He continued until she pulled on his hips, guiding him in further, and he gave her his full length, stopping when she winced and gasped. Megan brought her legs up around his waist and reached up to kiss his mouth, and Loki kneaded her breast without moving inside her. She paused and looked up at him. "Please don't stop," she pleaded, and he began slowly moving his hips, thrusting in and out of her and picking up the pace. The feeling of his whole shaft inside her was exquisite and Megan could already feel her orgasm building as his tip rubbed over her g spot.

Looking in to his face she could see Loki was holding back, not wanting to hurt her, and she again began to feel the same security she did when she was in his arms, the beginning of being able to trust him. She pulled his mouth to hers and he thrust his tongue into her mouth in the same rhythm as he thrust his shaft into her core. When he rolled her nipple between his thumb and finger she arched her back and he stroked even deeper inside her, his thrusts becoming ragged as his climax approached. With this teeth on her collarbone and his hand on her breast Megan shuddered and came, her walls contracting around his shaft and milking his seed from him, feeling his hot cum flow inside her and his shaft spasm as he collapsed on top of her. 

It was in that moment, finally, that Loki got a flash of images from Megan's mind. He saw her talking to Fandral, saw her training, saw her in a uniform he thought he recognised, seated in a helicopter with someone vaguely familiar. As he rolled off of her and lay down on the bed next to her, his breathing and heart rate slowing, he tried to process the images through the haze of afterglow. While kissing her fingers, stroking his hand gently over her abdomen and listening to her contented breathing, he began to remember what felt like a lifetime ago.

"S.H.I.E.L.D., Coulson." He muttered under his breath. 

Megan froze.  He couldn't know. He couldn't. How? Keep it together, Beckett. 

Suddenly Loki stood next to the bed and threw her dress at her. "Get up." He seethed.

"Loki? What's wrong?" Megan pulled her dress over her head and fastened it, smoothing her hair down. 

"What's wrong?! Apparently everything is wrong, AGENT Megan Beckett. Did Coulson send you personally for his own interests? Or did Thor and Fandral put you up to this?"

Fuck.

"Answer me!"

"Loki, I can explain, please let me explain."

"You can explain it to the other prisoners in the dungeon and be thankful I do not snap your neck."

Fuck.


	10. Chapter 10

“My king,” the guard said, kneeling. “I assure you everything here is fine, you do not need to be here in the middle of the night.”

“Everything is fine except that I have had a traitorous spy living in my chambers. Put her in the cell with Thor. They can rot and be miserable together.” he turned to Megan. “You failed, you weak, worthless, mortal. And all I had to do was let you experience a few seconds of ecstasy. I hope that keeps you warm at night while you rot in the dungeon, or perhaps Thor can take care of your needs now."

"Loki," Megan wailed. "Please don't do this! I lied about my background but my feelings are real. Look into me now and you'll see! Please?"

"I've seen quite enough of you, Megan. If that is even your name." He quite literally threw her into the cell, hard enough that she fell face first on the cold floor and had no desire to get up. "If they cause any hint of trouble...kill her. But make him watch." He gestured to the guards and the force field went up before he stormed away, slamming the large doors behind him.

Megan sobbed on the floor, his seed now drying on her thighs a harsh reminder of what they had done, how tender and gentle he had been. How could she have been so careless? She no longer felt any connection to agent Megan, her transformation into servant Megan was all but complete. The agent she had been trained as would never have let her guard down like that, not even for a moment. 

She suddenly felt herself scooped up and placed with care on to the pallet in the cell. For the first time she noted that there was only one, not that she would be sleeping anyway. She sat up and looked her caretaker in the eyes, seeing Thor in the flesh for the first time.

"Agent Beckett, I presume?"

"Yes, Thor. I'm Megan. I'm sorry. I failed."

"I am not any worse off for your attempt. At least I have company. Are you alright?"

She nodded.

"I suppose he treated you the same as his previous handmaidens, although Fandral seemed to think you were in a better position."

"He treated me quite well, actually. In comparison to the others at least. He hated that I could hide my thoughts and see through his illusions, though. And then tonight I let my guard down for just a moment and he found out the truth, I shouldn't have been so careless."

"I am sure you had good reason, and it can always be undone."

"Fandral said you could get me out at any time."

"He can, but not from down here. I am afraid you will be in my company until we form a new plan."

Folded over and cuddling her knees, it was only when Thor stood and removed his shirt, handing it to her, that Megan realised she was wearing nothing but panties. She vividly remembered putting her dress back on and could only guess that Loki had removed it when he threw her to the floor, removing the last remaining dignity from the situation. She accepted the shirt gratefully and slipped it on, fastening the buttons and feeling thankful that Thor was so huge, it came almost to her mid thighs.

"Get some rest, we will talk in the morning. And know that I am not in the least disappointed, nor do you need to be sorry. You have been courageous and strong in your effort to help us. Whatever it takes, I will see you home safely."

 

* * *

 

Megan tried to flutter her eyes open, trying to dull the harsh light that always illuminated the cells.  Where are we at now, day twenty? Twenty one?  She had been trying so hard to keep her wits about her, but the days were beginning to merge together and she could barely tell anymore when one ended and the next began. She had visibly lost weight, her bones jutting out in places she hadn't thought about before and her skin loose like an ill fitting suit. Her eyes had sunk into hollows, her skin stretched over her skull like too tight mask, her cheekbones so tight they looked as though they might cut through the skin at any moment. Loki had refused to allow her clothes, and when Thor began giving her his he had also refused to give him extra. She wore only his shirt, her hair swept into an untidy bun, and spent most of her time huddled on the pallet, the only respite from the freezing cold stone floor. The loss of weight, lack of food and constant sleep deprivation meant that she was always cold, so cold that even if everything else had been in her favour she would be unable to sleep for shivering. Thor did his best to keep her spirits up, but she was teetering on the precipice of complete surrender, and had more than once pleaded with him to snap her neck and be done with it. Hunger and exhaustion also prevented her from meditating, and Megan felt as though she was quite literally losing her mind. Thoughts swirled freely around like tiny neon fish stuck in a whirlpool, she could neither hold on to one for more than a second or purposely let any of them go.

Thor had slowly dragged every detail of her time with Loki from her lips, and the more she went over it the more convinced she was that he had not had any feelings toward her at all, his tenderness just a ploy to get her guard down long enough for him to violate her mind. 

On this particular morning she realised she had managed an hour or so of solid sleep, thanks mostly to Thor. He had lay down behind her, wrapping his warm body around her tightly, giving her both softness to cuddle into and warmth to lull her to sleep. She could feel him behind her, his bare chest pressed in to her back, rising and falling with even breath, and his arms holding her firm against him. Even his legs were draped over hers, warming them against the cold of the pallet and the cells.

"I did give him permission to take care of your needs, I do not suppose I should be surprised."

Megan sat upright at the sound of Loki's smooth voice, startling Thor awake.

"Loki," she whimpered. Tears fell down her cheeks, making fresh marks over her already stained and cracked skin.

"Someone has to keep her warm, brother. These cells are not made for humans."

"Asgard is not made for humans. She should have minded her own business, this is her own doing."

"Loki, please," Megan croaked. 

"Please what, my love? What is it that your heart desires?" 

She forced herself to stand, trying not to give away the effort involved, and walked to the front of the cell where he was standing, placing her palms just millimetres away from the force field which would inevitably throw her to the back wall and burn her skin. "I want to die."

"Really? How?" He smirked, and Megan seethed with anger at his coldness toward her.

"I care not." She said, slowly and deliberately. "It is all that I think about, all that I crave, release from this pain, from the torture of the cold and the hunger and exhaustion. I long to sleep and never wake up, my king."

"Ah but that would make it far too easy now, wouldn't it?"

Something snapped inside her, she was unable to take any more and she knew that the force field would at least bring her a step closer, if it didn't kill her in the immediate future. She pressed her body flat against it, and the skin of her palms, face, arms, chest, stomach and legs literally seared with agony she had never felt before. Barely a second later she was thrown backwards, jarring against the back wall of the cell, cracking her skull on the stone and crumpling to the floor. 

"Megan!" Thor picked her up and placed her gently on the pallet, looking for signs of life, thankful that she was breathing and her heart beat rapidly in her frail chest.

"End this, brother. End it now! She has repeatedly asked me to end her life, you have broken what was once a strong and capable woman. She would have loved you, Loki. All of your weaknesses and flaws as well as your strengths. And you have destroyed her. Send her back to Midgard."

"Or what?" There was an unmistakable tremble in his voice, despite his harsh words.

"Or I will find a way to end you. I brought her here, a trained spy, a trained assassin. You do not think I could have you killed if I wanted to?"

"I do not. But I would like to see you try when you are no longer allowed your precious visitors."


	11. Chapter 11

Loki tried his best to push Megan from his mind, and failed. The image of her burning herself, her green eyes now dull in front of him, her sunken features and thin, weakened body, were all that he could see. What bothered him most though was the mental scream he had felt rather than heard from her. Since that initial glimpse in to her mind he had experienced a few similar occurrences when she lost concentration, and they were becoming more frequent. What he had seen that morning was almost animalistic, it wasn't a ploy for him to release her, to take pity and send her home, she truly was so tortured she wanted to die. _This had never been his intention._ Yes, she was supposed to suffer, but not to this extreme. He called down to the cells for her to be given extra food, clothing and blankets, hoping that it would ease the heavy lump of guilt in the pit of his stomach. It didn't. His feelings toward her had been true and real, unexpected and inconvenient, but pure nonetheless. In the beginning he had wanted nothing more than to break her into pieces and see how she worked on the inside, now that he had achieved his goal he was utterly unimpressed with his own work. Perhaps he would send her back, heal her, wipe her memory and send her back to Coulson. Perhaps he would send her back just as she was, as a macabre gift for Phil, a reminder of what he was capable of. 

Loki looked up when he heard footsteps and saw Fandral standing in the doorway. "You realise barging in like this is a punishable offence, you disrespectful imbecile?"

"With all undue respect my king, I care not. I am unable to visit Thor, or Megan, but the guards told me what you did. She is dying, Loki. Her skull is fractured and the entire front of her body is burned, and thanks to your torture, the suffering you have forced upon her these few weeks, she has no fight remaining. Both her body and mind have given in. If you want to gloat, do it later. If you want her to have the peaceful and dignified death that you know she deserves, you will release her before it is too late."

"Would you care to join them? Perhaps you and Thor could serenade her and give her the dignity she deserves. Which is nothing, by the way. She is a spy, a traitor, a deceitful whore who earned my trust and a place at my side purely on lies. The only way I got any truth out of her was by fucking her until she mewled like the cheap wench that she is, made her cunt contract and spill her secrets. Unless you want to be in the cell with them permanently, get out!"

Fandral turned and left, shaking his head in despair. He feared if he said any more he would be locked up with them, or killed, and that wouldn't help their cause.

 

* * *

 

Loki forced his clenched fists open and picked up the pieces of furniture that had overturned when he could no longer reign in his devastation at the news Fandral had brought him. Every molecule in his body screamed. He wanted desperately to go to her, sweep her up and heal her, take care of her and nurse her back to the strong unshakeable woman he had met only weeks ago.

_ She must be taught a lesson. They all must be taught a lesson. If you try to deceive your king you will be punished. I did not kill her, she did this to herself. Didn't she? _

What if her feelings were real? Would that change your view, would you show her more leniency if she had true feelings for you, not ones she had put on to help her gain your trust? Will you always wonder? If you let her die, you'll never know, and you have the perfect leverage for her to open up to you know, she isn't strong enough to stop you.

He stopped at the doors to the dungeon. _How did I get here?_ As though his body were no longer his own, he strode toward her cell and ordered the force field taken down. 

* * *

"Megan," Thor said in a low rumble. "I am sorry. I should never have asked this of you and I am sorry." No longer able to move or speak, Megan was barely able to make out the words. The pain that scorched over her face, hands, arms and torso was excruciating, as though she were still pressed against a fire, unmoving, while it consumed her body and burned her spirit to ash. Her head throbbed, a dull background ache in comparison, but she could almost feel the crack in her skull grating on her brain, sending her slowly insane. She was dying, and she knew it with absolute certainty, the only thing keeping her from screaming was her refusal to fight, she would welcome the release of death and the peace it brought with it. More than once a tiny spark from the far reaches of her mind had tried to remind her of the old Megan, the one who refused to give in, who never backed down from a fight no matter the odds or injuries, the one who had welcomed the challenge of an undercover assignment in another realm far from home. But between hunger, exhaustion, the cold and the pain that spark was always quickly extinguished, like a burning ember landing in a swimming pool. 

She suddenly felt herself being lifted, and she barely stifled a scream, not that she had the energy to make much sound. To her own ears she sounded more like a small wounded animal. A voice she didn't recognise spoke harshly into her ear. "Do not mistake this as forgiveness. You will be punished on my terms, and you will die if and how I choose, not by your own reckless stupidity."

The agony as the crust that had begun to form on her burns was ripped open overcame her, she expected at any moment to lose consciousness. When she did there was a sensation of being carried somewhere, and she felt as though she was sinking into a thick black liquid, drowning in it. Allowing herself to succumb and welcoming it, encouraging death to take her.

* * *

"Nooooooooooooo!" Loki screamed. "You are healers, you are supposed to do your job! I leave for an hour and return to find she is dead?"

"I am so very sorry, my king." Brinda said. "We all did everything we could, but even with the healing you had already done it was too much. She had no fight left." 

"Where is she now? I want to see her!"

"She was a servant, she was cremated immediately. That is standard practice, my king."

Loki went immediately to Heimdall, refusing to believe the healer that Megan was indeed gone. "Can you see her? She's back in Midgard, she must be. She has to be."

"Who?"

"Megan! WHERE IS SHE? I know you can see her. Bring her back."

"Loki, I am sorry. I can not see her at all."

Silently he stormed to his chambers and sat down on the floor in the dark. This had never been his intention, he had only ever meant to bring her to the brink, to teach her a lesson and then pull her back. Stripped of her will to fight him she would have loved him openly, as he did her, and there would not have been any need for secrets or lies. Obviously she had been weaker than he thought. 

In the following five days he returned to Heimdall at least twenty times, making absolutely sure he could not see her in Midgard, and returning more furious each time. He had beaten Fandral to within an inch of his life, insisting he admit where she was, that he had sent her somewhere to hide, and still he had no other answer. He would have to accept that she was gone, and he was responsible. Not only had he broken her, he had actually taken the last step and effectively murdered her, putting the idea in her head about the force field and repeatedly poking and prodding at her mind until she couldn't take any more.


	12. Chapter 12

Megan opened her eyes gingerly. The harsh light of the cells was gone, replaced with a much more familiar environment. The lights were dimmed, she could hear soft distant voices and shoes shuffling quietly on a tiled floor. And she was warm, so lovely and warm, tucked under blankets and somewhat clothed. Hearing the sound of a page turning next to her she turned her head, focusing her eyes on the man sitting next to her. 

"Coulson?"

"Megan, thank god. Grace, she's awake!" He called in to the hall before turning back to Megan. "How are you feeling?"

"Uh, I don't know. Weird. Where am I?"

"In the medical ward at HQ. Fandral sent you back. Just in time, by the state of you. Dr Cho has patched you up, more than once actually, and you should recover completely in a few weeks. She couldn't repair that many burns in one session so some might leave some scarring. You can stay here as long as you need to."

"I did that to myself, Phil." Megan realised tears were flowing down her cheeks. She remembered everything that had happened, everything she had done, and she remembered wanting to do it, but not why. Megan Beckett didn't give up that easily, and yet the total despair she had felt had completely overtaken her. "But I don't understand why."

He put his hand over hers and squeezed gently. "I know you did, Fandral told us everything. It's entirely plausible that Loki made you do it. You're safe now. He tried to heal you himself, and when he couldn't he took you to the healers in the palace. As soon as he left you were brought back here and they told him they couldn't save you."

"He thinks I'm dead?"

"Yes."

A woman around Megan's age entered the room, and Megan thought she looked vaguely familiar.

"I'm Grace, Megan. I've been assisting Dr Cho. How are you feeling?"

"OK I think? Sort of weak. But better than when I got here I guess."

"You'll be weak for some time, you lost a lot of weight. You'll need to eat and exercise to get your strength back. Are you in any pain?"

"Nothing major."

"You don't need to be a hero, Megan. Just be honest if you're uncomfortable."

"I will, honestly it's nothing. I'll let you know."

 

* * *

 

When she was strong enough to be released, Grace took her to a spare quarters to finish her recovery before she returned home. "This was actually mine, but I've moved."

"Like moved out?"

"Um, no. Moved in, actually. With Steve. Down the hall." Megan saw Grace blush.

"Steve... Rogers? You moved in with... why? Oh! I'd heard he was dating someone. Wow!"

Grace giggled as she opened the door. "This is yours for as long as you need it, ok? Until you're ok to go home. Are you going back to New York?"

"I don't know. Can I tell you something?" Grace nodded and they both sat down. "I uh... Loki... he offered to send me back. After he had hurt me, before we... before he found out who I was. And I refused. I wanted to stay, with him."

"To finish the mission?"

"No. More than that. I had feelings for him. I slept with him. By choice."

"You realise he probably had you under his control the whole time?"

"No, he didn't. I can see now that didn't happen until I started to weaken and lose control of my mind, and then he took over. What I felt was real, I was actually falling for him. Grace, he was so gentle, so tender and kind. Until he wasn't. And that was only because he felt betrayed. I lied to him. If I hadn't..."

"Megan, you're not thinking about going back? He made you try to kill yourself. He put the idea in your head. He broke you down so far you asked Thor to snap your neck. At one point you said horrible hurtful things to Thor so that he would choke you. You can't go back there."

"He didn't intend for me to die though, he wanted me to submit to him, to break me like a wild horse I guess. When I was at my lowest point he'd have released me and I would never have lied or gone behind his back again."

"Do you hear yourself defending him?"

"Yes. And I'd think I was crazy if I were you, too. I'm not going back. I just, he's a lunatic, we knew all along what would happen if he found out. I wish I could have completed the mission though."

A knock on the door interrupted their conversation, and Megan was surprised to find Coulson when she opened it.

"You up for visitors? Fandral is waiting in the lounge for you. And he has news."

 

* * *

Fandral embraced her when she walked in. "Megan, I am so sorry. I gave you my word you would be safe, and I failed."

"I'm still in one piece, aren't I?" She said, smiling. Megan almost fell over when she saw Thor enter the room, he rushed to her and lifted her up into a hug.

"Megan, I thought for sure you would be dead."

"Thor! You got out!"

"Loki released me. I think he is trying to atone for his actions. He believes I am here visiting Jane. Are you alright?"

"Yes, I'm fine. Can I talk to you alone when everyone else is done?"

"Of course."

Alone in the lounge late that night, Megan had some questions for Thor. 

"How is Loki?"

"I am afraid remorse is not an emotion that fits him well. He is... tortured."

Megan put her head down. "I think what I'm supposed to say to that is 'good',"

"He came to see me, a few hours before he brought you to the cell. He told me about you, how you made him want to do better. I think he was in love with you, or as close as Loki can get to love. He was going to release me, to show that he had changed. He wanted you to be there the following day to see it."

Megan put her head in her hands and sighed. "I think... I want to come back. I want to see him, even if it's only once."

"I can not guarantee your safety if you do, but I will do my best if you think it will help him. I think it will. Perhaps I should break the news to him first, though?"

"No. I will wait until I am stronger, but I want to tell him myself. If he can not forgive this, then I will not forgive what he did to me. If he punishes me for leaving to keep myself alive then I know I can't trust him. If he welcomes me back we may have a chance."

"OK. Heimdall will transport you when you are ready. Loki hopes that we can rule Asgard together. Father is dead. He went to sleep after mother died and has been ever since. It is time to let him go, he will have a proper farewell in a few days."

"I'm so sorry, Thor."

"Thank you. I always knew he wasn't coming back, it was a relief to know Loki had nothing to do with it though."

"Do you really think Loki can do good?"

"He is my brother, Megan. I will never give up on him. And I do, yes. I have seen it myself."

 

* * *

"I miss her, Thor." Loki said quietly. They were seated in the office near the throne room, and had been talking about some small problems that had broken out in other realms after news that Odin was officially at rest had spread. 

"Who? Megan?" 

"Yes."

"Would you have forgiven her? You have forgiven me, and it was all my idea."

"I was too hard on her. I never told her I saw how she felt about me. I do not understand why, and I did not deserve her."

"Well then, do not make the same mistake twice. The next time a woman like Megan comes along make sure you deserve her love."

"There will never be a woman like Megan. But I am trying to do better. To be better, be a good king. She was trying to teach me about mutual respect rather than fear and terror."

Thor laughed. "How things change, brother. We might make this work after all."


	13. Chapter 13

"I can't condone this, Megan. I think it's a terrible idea."

"I'm afraid I agree with Grace, he is far too unpredictable. We can't protect you in Asgard."

"Yes, Phil, I realise that. And you two were both almost killed by him so I-"

"Was killed. He literally killed me."

"And I understand. But people change, we know that."

"He's not people."

"I'm not moving there permanently, I'm going to visit. Thor says he's doing much better, and it's too big a risk having people there that know I'm alive. If he finds out..."

"He'll probably start killing people again," Grace finished. "Starting with you."

"I appreciate your concern. Honestly. But I'm going as soon as I have the all clear."

"You're as fit as you were when you left. Perhaps even stronger. But I'm not clearing you."

"Come on, Grace. Don't make me go to Helen."

"Argh. Fine. But if you come back injured..."

"You can yell at me. I'll be careful. I'm going tomorrow."

 

* * *

"Why are you knocking on my door before breakfast, Thor?"

"I have someone to see you. You're going to want to sit down. I'll leave you to catch up."

He walked out and left the door open, and just as Loki was getting annoyed at the cold air blowing in he felt as though a tornado had just come through the door.

Megan stood in front of him, smiling shyly. She was wearing the emerald green dress, the one he had given her, and had left her hair loose. It had blown around her face and she tucked the stray strands behind her ear as she stepped through the door.

"No," he breathed.

"Hello, Loki."

"Megan... they told me you were..."

"I know. If you sit down I can explain."

Megan could see Loki's hands clenching so hard she thought he might draw blood. She resisted reaching out and rubbing them to make him relax. He sat down on the couch and she sat next to him, close enough to reach out to him but with a respectful space between them.

"I'm so sorry, Loki. I know this must be a huge shock. I had to leave. Actually I didn't have a say, Fandral got me out as soon as he had a chance, it was the only way to guarantee my safety. They really weren't sure I would recover, and if I did they weren't sure you wouldn't try again, or I wouldn't."

"I mourned. I grieved. I have missed you every single day. I have been tortured by the image of you burning yourself, killing yourself in front of my eyes. Megan, what I did to you. I know I said I wanted to break you, but when I found out you had lied to me... I purely just wanted you to hurt. I waited until you were weak enough to not notice, until your own mind was beginning to torture you with its chaos, and then I began putting thoughts into your head. I almost wanted you to resist, to challenge me again. I never thought my own pain could make me inflict that on someone I cared about."

It didn't escape Megan that there was no apology, and she began to wonder if this was a mistake. He looked in to her eyes and beyond the blue icy pools she could almost see into his soul. Tears welled in his eyes and threatened to spill over his cheeks, his lips pressed into a thin line in an attempt to hide the trembling. "I am sorry, Megan."

"If you should choose to spend time with me again, I will not hide my thoughts from you. I want you to know that the stillness I told you about in my mind is my natural state, and I'm working toward that again. But I won't stop you from seeing in, I have nothing more to hide." Loki nodded and looked down at the floor. 

"Are you healed? You look much better than I would have expected. Then again I thought you dead," the tiniest hint of a smile tugged at one side of his mouth and crinkled his eyes almost invisibly.

"I am as healed as I'm going to get. I'm fitter than I was when I arrived the first time, I think. I've done a lot of training to get my strength back. My body is scarred and my mind still a little scattered. But I'm healthy and fit." She managed a slight smile. "Thor tells me you are going to work together?" 

"Yes. I can not believe he wants me to even remain here, much less as king. But he thinks we can rule together, it is working well so far."

"My feelings for you were real, Loki. The reason for me being here and my background are the only things I lied about. The way I felt about you, that was the truth. I wanted so badly to tell you everything, but I was so afraid you would hurt me, or worse."

"I know. I saw, after I started to enter your mind freely, I could see everything. I do not think I was or am deserving of those feelings from anyone. Least of all you."

"I'm no saint, Loki. I came here on an undercover mission to get you to trust me, open up to me, and release Thor. And I knew that your illusions wouldn't fool me and your mind control would be ineffective. You took it too far, but you had every right to be angry."

"What will you do now?" 

"I hoped I might be able to visit sometimes now that we can travel between realms fairly easily."

"Visit... me?"

"Yes. On a few conditions."

"Of course."

"No dungeon, under any circumstances. I can come and go as I please, you can not hold me here. No punishment of any kind, and the past remains in the past. And your mind is open to me just as mine is to you. No secrets. Trust."

He nodded slowly. "OK. I want you to know I would never have done those things again anyway."

"Your reaction to me coming here today was the deciding factor for me. If you had been in any way violent or argumentative I would not be coming back. But I do want to trust you. When I told you I felt safe with you, I meant that. I want to feel safe in your arms again." A single tear rolled down Megan's cheek and she swiped it away. "But if you want that it's going to take some time. Perhaps a lot of time."

"Megan, I would have given up the throne in a heartbeat if I thought it would bring you back. I can't believe you're here in front of me. I want to show you that I can be a good king and that I'm worthy of your trust." He reached for her hand and she pulled it away quickly. 

"Sorry." She said, looking back up at his face. "I'm just not-"

"It's fine. Where are you going to stay?"

"Not here. I'm going back home, I'll stay at Avengers HQ for a while, they have some work I can do."

"Well I would say I will come and visit you, but... I think they are all just itching to kill me."

"Can you blame them?"

"No."

She reached out slowly and tentatively and took his hand in hers. He brought her knuckles to his lips and kissed them softly before toying with her hand, tracing his finger over the veins and lines. Loki froze when he turned it over and saw the burn scars that hadn't yet completely faded. Megan concentrated on keeping her hand relaxed while he traced his finger gently over every line, every red or purple mark. He looked up at her with tears in his eyes, deep remorse contorting his face. "I am so sorry."

"I know." 

 

* * *

 

The rest of the day was mainly spent in the gardens around the palace. Loki knew places that Megan hadn't found in her short explorations, and he arranged a picnic for their lunch set up under a flowering tree on a patch of bright green grass. She told him all about her life, the truth this time, even some of her time with S.H.I.E.L.D. Loki listened, watching her talk, the way her face and eyes lit up and her hands gestured wildly when she spoke of something that made her happy. By the end of the day Megan had begun to relax in Loki's company, enough that when he took both of her hands and kissed them she didn't flinch. 

As Megan prepared to return home she noticed a huge grin on Loki's face. He certainly didn't smile often, and she found it at once comforting and disconcerting.

"What's on your mind, your highness?"

"Oh it's not what's on my mind, darling. It's yours. I see some fish swimming around in your clear glass of water and I can hear what they're saying."

Megan laughed. "Don't you go poking around in there for all my secrets."

He raised his hands innocently. "I wouldn't dream of it. And besides, it's no fun when you can tell I'm doing it. Can I see you again? Will you be back soon?"

"Are you asking me to come back?"

"Yes. How's tomorrow?" He smiled again, and Megan realised she could get used to that smile. It wasn't menacing at all, just... warm.

"Not tomorrow. But soon."

"I will look forward to it."

He took her hand and kissed it again, letting his lips linger a little on her knuckles. Megan leaned in and kissed his cheek softly, knowing he wanted to pull her in as she did and impressed by his restraint.


	14. Chapter 14

"That seemed to go well. You are smiling." Thor said, appearing behind Loki. 

"It did, I think. How do I rid myself of this... guilt?" He said, clawing at his stomach as though he could scratch it out with his fingers.

"It is not that simple, brother. I think you will just have to wait, and earn her forgiveness. And then forgive yourself."

"Remind me to thank Jane for teaching you about feelings, Thor. I am fairly certain those words were not your own." Thor chuckled, rumbling beside him as they walked back toward the palace. "There is another thing Jane's insight might be able to help me with though. I believe in Midgard they call it dating?" Thor began to laugh much louder. "This is not a joke, Thor!"

* * *

 

"How did it go?" Grace asked Megan. "I'm guessing from the smile on your face you'll be returning?"

"Periodically, yes I think I will. Grace, I know what he did to you, and I know you're worried. But he does care about me and I will be careful."

"You were in such bad shape when you came back. I don't think you have any idea, although I'm sure you must remember the pain. We didn't know if you'd make it, the burns and your skull fracture were that extensive. I just, I hope he's sorry. And I hope he's worthy."

"I hope so, too. Change the subject, how's it going with Steve?"

Megan saw Grace's face light up. "Yeah it's.... really good. He's uh, well, you've seen him. It's fun. I have little moments of guilt though, I feel like I've corrupted him just a little bit,"

Megan laughed. "So you've corrupted Captain America and I'm trying to reign in the god of mischief!"

"On that note, I think we both should go to bed. I'm exhausted just thinking about it."

* * *

 

Megan and Loki were beside the river, a green blanket protecting them from the cool grass. Spread out in front of them was an assortment of food and wine, and as Megan sipped from her glass she watched the water sparkling as it flowed in front of them. The sound of it trickling over the rocks was calm and soothing, much like Loki's voice as he read to her from one of his favourite books. He leaned his back against a tree, his impossibly long legs stretched out in front of him, crossed at the knee with the thick book resting on his thighs. Not all of it made sense to her, there were creatures and names of places she didn't understand, but it didn't matter. The sound of his voice was so deep and smooth, rich and sweet and hypnotic. Megan lay on her stomach, propped up on her elbows, wearing the deep plum dress and had kicked off her shoes to let her bare feet lay in the soft grass and be warmed by the weak sun. Her hair fell down around her neck and face and onto the blanket, and Loki used his spare hand to wrap it around his fingers, letting it flow through them. Occasionally he took her hand in his, tangling their fingers together or tracing circles on her palm while he read, the words falling effortlessly from his tongue, often without him looking at the book.

Lost in his words, it was a few seconds before Megan realised he had stopped reading and was staring down at her with a slight grin. Megan looked up at him, his cold blue eyes had just a hint of warmth, his hand now on her cheek and his thumb grazing her cheekbone. He leaned down and kissed her cheek gently, lingering just long enough for her to turn her face to his and meet his lips with hers. The soft gentle kiss seemed to last an eternity, neither wanting to pull away, savouring the innocent moment.

When Megan opened her eyes the scene slowly faded away, leaving a faint green glow around the darkness in her room which disappeared slowly when her eyes adjusted to the blackness. It only took a few seconds for her to realise Loki had visited only in her dreams, but still when she brought her finger to her lips she thought she could feel moisture from his, taste him, smell him, and hear his voice still ringing in her ears. It had never occurred to her that he could do that, but it was a nice way to see him when she couldn't see him, and she went easily back to sleep with a smile on her lips, hoping that their might be more to come.

* * *

 

Megan consciously waited almost a week before considering a return to Asgard. She wanted both of them to be sure about what they were doing, and she still needed to heal and calm her mind. With Loki working out the way to be king with Thor by his side she didn't want to interrupt, either. Loki had visited her dreams again since the first time, just to say goodnight and kiss her, holding her hand and playing with her hair before he disappeared and she realised he wasn't actually in her bed.

 

* * *

 

In the dining room eating breakfast with a few others, Natasha approached her with a gold envelope. "How exactly does one get mail from Asgard? I mean I know there's international postage, but is there an inter realm mail service I don't know about?" She handed the envelope to Megan and she knew it was from Loki, she could tell from the way it shimmered green and the script on the front. 

"Magic, I would assume. Thanks Nat."

Back in her quarters Megan opened the envelope and was startled when shimmering rose petals flew out of it like butterflies, fading away before her eyes. Magic wasn't always a bad thing. Inside was a short letter from Loki:

> _ My darling Megan,  _
> 
> _ I enjoyed our little dream date immensely, although it was far too short. I have refrained from watching you, as long as I know you are safe and happy I will give you as much time and space as you require. Whenever you are ready to visit me again I will be waiting with open arms, I would like for you to have dinner with me next time you are here if that is acceptable to you. _
> 
> _ Until then, my love, I will wait patiently.  _
> 
> _ Loki _

Megan had to smile at the last sentence. Loki and patience weren't a natural mixture. She realised she wanted to see him, urgently. Now, today, tonight. Her sensibility told her to wait until the end of the week, so she settled for the following day. She wondered that night if the dream visits were a two way occurrence. She knew he could talk to her, and she remembered, but she wasn't sure if the same worked in reverse. When she went to bed she secretly hoped for the chance to find out.

* * *

 

"Hello my darling. Did you get my letter?"

"I did. And I will see you tomorrow afternoon."

Loki looked around and for the first time so did Megan. They were standing in the same place they had had the picnic in her dream, under the tree. 

"You must have been fond of this place, love."

"I was. I am, it was a good choice to bring me back here."

"Ah, but I didn't, darling. You did."

"Wait, I can do that?"

"Sort of. I will explain it all to you tomorrow. You need to sleep, you're tired."

He pulled her in close to him and rubbed her back, kissing her lips and forehead. Megan felt like she was falling asleep standing up, snuggled into his chest, hearing his heart beat beneath her ear. It was all so real. Just as she drifted off she felt him lay her down on her pillow, as though she was being gently realigned with her own body.


	15. Chapter 15

"Unless someone is dying, I will be unavailable for the afternoon and evening." Loki said abruptly to Thor.

"Megan is coming?"

"Yes." A very slight grin danced on Loki's lips. 

"Do you have a plan?"

"Dinner on the terrace, perhaps a stroll beforehand if she arrives early enough."

"Is that it?" Thor smiled. 

"Yes. Shall I follow your pattern and have her run me over a couple of times? Or is what I have put her through already enough?"

"Point taken. I will ensure you are left alone this evening."

"Thank you."

* * *

When Megan arrived Loki was already waiting with Heimdall. As he took her hand to take her back to the palace she couldn't help but laugh softly. 

"What's so funny?"

"Was that you waiting patiently?"

"Patience is not something that comes naturally to me." Loki smiled. "I missed you, Megan."

"Really?"

"What do you mean, re-"

"Loki? I missed you too. I'm sorry, I'm in a good mood and I couldn't resist, sometimes I like seeing you squirm just a little."

"Do you know how many ways I could punish you?"

"I do. I also know that you won't."

"Hm. For now."

* * *

 

They walked in comfortable silence, hand in hand, back to the palace. By the time they arrived it was almost dark, and Megan hesitated a little when Loki took her to his quarters.

"I am sorry love, I did not think. We are just having dinner on the terrace, but I can have it moved if you would prefer."

"No, it's ok. I'll let you know if it's too much."

While they ate dinner Loki couldn't help but notice how relaxed Megan was, so different to the last time she visited. He could read her so easily, she was completely open to him now. He looked over her, her hair loose the way he liked it, falling like a silky cascade down her back and over her shoulders. He smiled at the way she tucked it behind her ear only for it to fall out again, the way her green eyes brightened when she looked in to his. She was wearing the plum coloured dress she had worn the first time he had summoned her to his ready room. The first time he had tried to read her and been unable to, and he remembered looking in to her eyes that day and wanting to pull her to pieces. Guilt washed over him, remembering what he had done, and all the other things he had wanted to do to her. 

"Loki? What's wrong?" Megan was watching Loki's face as he stared sadly into his hands.

"Nothing,"

"Don't lie to me, Loki. I can see the tears in your eyes. What's wrong?"

"What I did to you. It weighs on my mind, I wish I could show you how sorry I am. I wish I could take it back."

"I know you do," she reached her hands out and took both of his, squeezing them gently. "It's ok. I know. Time is the only thing that will heal it." Megan leaned into him and kissed his lips, gently at first and then prising them apart, searching for his tongue. Loki kissed her back eagerly but let her set the pace, sucking gently on her bottom lip and massaging her tongue with his. When they broke apart Loki stood up. "I know it is late, but I want to show you something if you can stay a bit longer."

"I'm a big girl, I do what I want." She smirked.


	16. Chapter 16

He took her inside to the living room and sat down cross legged on the soft black rug, asking Megan to do the same facing him. "Mother and I used to do this, it is how she helped me develop my abilities. Do not be afraid or nervous, you have the advantage because you know how to block me." Megan nodded. "But it is much more fun if you just trust me. Clear and calm your mind, and do not overthink. Ready?"

"I think so. Yes."

"Give me your hands, and close your eyes. Try not to speak unless you want me to stop. Remember I said I would show you how the dreams work? I could read you, but I am not going to. You are going to show me, push it out to me. Show me something beautiful, anything you like."

Megan thought for a moment and went with the beach she used to holiday at with her family. Gentle waves didn't so much crash on the shore as they fell over themselves, onto the smooth pure sand. The water glistened a beautiful blue, ocean spread out before her to the horizon. She could smell and taste the salt air, feel it and the sun on her skin, the cool water and the grit of the sand. Once she had it in her mind she mentally opened it up to Loki, she could feel him as though he were only an inch from her face. Suddenly he was there, on the beach, dragging her into the water, wrapping her arms around his neck as they went deeper into the cool salt water. Megan smiled, she never in a million years would have pictured Loki swimming in the ocean, but he was smiling back at her, his eyes burning in to her mind. He took her further out, and further still under the shore was far away. Just as she began to worry, he put her hands on to something metal - a ladder. A ladder attached to a very large boat. "This is more like it," he said as he climbed up and stood on the deck. Megan pulled on a pair of shorts over her red bikini which Loki swiftly removed with a wave of his hand, making her frown at him. "You don't need them darling, there's no one else here." She lay down on a lounge chair, soaking up the hot sun on her exposed skin.

Feeling a little bolder, Megan finally decided to see how far she could take it. Holding the image of both of them on the boat in her mind, she reached out for Loki's thoughts. As though she were in his mind, she could feel what he felt, his thoughts became her thoughts. She could see herself, she was watching herself lie back, only the bikini covering patches of her skin. This was how Loki saw her, the sun glistening on her smooth skin, reflecting the droplets of water before they slowly evaporated away. Her long wet hair that looked almost black, twisted over one shoulder. Loki sat in the shade of the wheelhouse, a cool breeze on his wet skin making him shiver. He looked over at Megan with something much deeper than the desire or lust she had expected. She stiffened when she recognised the emotion. _Love. He loves me._ From his mind she felt herself look over at him, her green eyes twinkling, gesturing for him to come and sit with her, and warm waves of content washed over them.

As he stood up she was jolted violently out of his thoughts, but not before an image was seared into her own mind, painful enough for her to pull her hands away from his. 

Through Loki’s eyes she saw herself, pressed up against the force field as it burned her skin, branding her face and hands, her stomach. She saw her own face contorted in pain, screaming silently with the torture of wishing for a death that couldn’t come soon enough. She saw herself in his arms as he carried her to the healers, begging them to help her, her skin cracked open and weeping, bleeding, her own eyes dulled with surrender. Her feelings were not her own, she wasn’t in pain, she wasn’t tortured with suicidal thoughts. She was tortured with guilt. The kind of guilt that made her want to tear out her insides with her bare hands, find the lump in the pit of her stomach and use whatever sharp implement she could find to cut it out. Like a cancer it ate away at the happy feelings she had felt moments before, leaving behind it a blackened despair, an insurmountable summit of remorse and shame that left her doubled over and sobbing, unable to breathe.

“Megan, darling,” Loki said, putting his hands on her shoulders.

“No! Don’t touch me!” she shrugged his hands off forcefully and scooted backwards out of his reach, hugging her legs to her chest and sobbing in to her knees. 

“Ok. Just breathe for me. Slowly.” When her sobs turned to hiccups she lifted her head enough to look at him, only holding his gaze for a few moments. “I’m so sorry,” he whispered.

“I think… I want to go home. I thought I could… but seeing myself like that… seeing your broken soul, the emptiness…” Megan knew she wasn’t making sense, her mind felt like it had been through a blender. 

“Would you let me take you? Be sure you’re ok?” She nodded weakly, unsure she had the strength to go alone anyway.

 

* * *

 

Back at Avengers HQ Loki made himself invisible until they were in Megan’s room. Loki was saddened by what he had done to her, aside from her seeing into all of his negativeness, his suppressed insecurities, he had completely neglected the fact that her mortal mind and body would be so exhausted and spent by that much exertion. She took out a pair of long cotton pajama pants and a singlet top, and Loki helped her undress, sitting her on the edge of the bed. He had promised not to touch her, only her clothing, and not to look at her, but he couldn’t help seeing the scars over her smooth stomach and he stifled a whimper. He knew they weren’t painful any more, but that didn’t stop tears escaping on to his cheeks, and when one landed on Megan’s bare thigh she looked up at him.

“What?”

Loki shook his head. “Here,” he said, slipping the singlet gently over her head and watching her put her arms in and cover her midriff. “Lay down. Do you want me to go now or stay until you’re asleep?”

“I want you to tell me why you’re crying.”

“Later. Rest now.”

“No.”

“Megan,” he growled, and fresh tears spilled out when he saw her recoil and pull the covers up to her chest. “I am sorry, love. It’s nothing, really. I saw your… the scars. I did that to you. Worse, I made you do it to yourself. And I will never forget it, and I will never forgive myself. You should not forgive me either, I do not deserve your forgiveness. I think it best if you remain here, and I in Asgard.”

“But… you love me. I know it, I saw it, I felt it.”

“Yes, I do. But that does not excuse my actions. In fact it makes them even more abhorrent.”

“Tell me.”

“Tell you what?”

“Tell me you love me, I want to hear you say it.”

“I can not. Rather, let my actions speak for me. They speak of the cruelty, torture, unrestrained anger. I am a monster, Megan. Nothing more. I am not capable of love.”

“I don’t believe that. I felt it with my own heart.”

“Nonetheless, you will close your eyes and rest. When you awake, I will be gone. I will not hurt you any longer.”

Megan was overcome with a sleepiness she had never felt before, the kind where it was quite literally impossible for her to keep her eyes open, and in seconds she was asleep. Loki left quietly after kissing her forehead and whispering his apologies again into her ear.


	17. Chapter 17

“What happened last night?”  
“It is done, Thor. I do not want to speak any more about it.”  
“Shall I go and ask Megan, then?”  
“You wouldn’t dare.”  
“I will have to if you are going to be in this mood forever. We will not have a palace to rule from!”  
“I will fix it. I said I will fix it.”  
“And Megan?”  
“It is done. Leave it alone. Where are you going?”  
“To see Jane and give you some space. I will return tomorrow.”

* * *

  
“We really need to teach you about subtlety, Thor. Have you considered arriving quietly?”  
“Rogers, I don’t have time for banter. Where is Megan?”  
“In the lounge. Come in, I’ll let her know you’re here. Like she won’t know already.”  
Megan stood up when she saw Thor, she had suspected the racket outside might be his doing.   
“Megan, what happened?”  
“Loki didn’t tell you?”  
“No. Only that he won’t see you again.”  
Megan nodded sadly. “Everything was so beautiful last night. And then… I was in his mind, and I felt his feelings. His love, but his guilt. It’s consuming him, Thor.”  
“I know. I had hoped that spending more time with you, and you trusting him, would help. He believes he is unworthy of you.”  
“And I don’t care if he is or he isn’t. I love him. If I come back with you, will he see me?”  
“I think you’re fairly persuasive.” Thor winked. 

* * *

  
In Asgard it was late, and Megan stood outside Loki’s door for a few moments, wondering if he already knew she was there. That question was answered when she knocked softly on the door and it opened, Loki had been standing behind it the whole time.  
“You saw me,”  
“I see you everywhere, love. You are like the brightest star in the sky. You should not be here.”  
“I think I should. May I come in?”  
He gestured her inside and closed the door, sitting down in front of the fire.  
“Loki. What I saw-”  
“I should never have allowed that.”  
“But it gave me an insight into your feelings. You don’t need to replay that, I have forgiven you. Why can you not forgive yourself?”  
“Would you? Forgive yourself? If you hurt me like that?”  
“OK, that’s fair. But it’s consuming you, Loki, and you’re letting it. I saw hope and happiness in you, and it’s being eaten away by despair. What will it take for you to see that I forgive you? And… I love you.”   
He looked wounded, and it was not the reaction Megan had hoped for.   
"How can I love you if I can't touch you?"  
"Is that what this is about? I was in shock, I had no idea your feelings would be so overwhelming. And I thought physical contact would make it come back. Will it?"  
"No. If I wanted you to feel it I could make that happen in another realm. Holding your hands just helped you make the connection. And I got to hold your hands."  
"Loki, I want to be with you. And it isn't going to be easy, I'm going to trigger you and you're going to trigger me. But I want to love you. I want you to let me." She stood up, and took his hands and pulled until he stood up. He was expecting her to hug him, but instead she led him to the bedroom.  
"Megan, no. This is not a good idea."  
"You don't want to?"  
"I want nothing more. But I want you to be ready. I do not want to hurt you, physically or emotionally."

"Go slow, then." Megan put her hands on his face, rubbing her thumbs over his beautiful cheekbones and wiping the tears from his gorgeous blue eyes. She ran her fingertips over his forehead and between his eyes, soothing and calming him like she might a horse or a wound up puppy. Loki closed his eyes and bowed his head slightly, softened by the sensation of her touching his face so lightly. When she grazed over his lips he took her hand with his and brought her fingertips to his mouth, kissing each one before reaching for her shoulders and kissing her lips. His hands wandered through her silken hair, underneath to her neck, over her soft cheeks and jaw and over her throat, giving her goosebumps with every touch. Deepening the kiss with his tongue, he placed one hand on her hip and let the other trail down her spine over her dress, settling in the small of her back, spreading it out so it covered almost the width of her waist. He fought to control the urge to pull her into him, to press her body against his and hold her there with his huge strong hands. He need not have worried, Megan pressed herself in to him, clasping her hands behind his neck and letting her fingertips brush the ends of his hair. Her tongue mingled playfully and hungrily with his, she wanted to forget everything and get lost in his soft warm kisses, his firm muscled body, his whispers into her ear and the gentle touch of his fingers.

When their lips parted they both panted softly, foreheads pressed together. "Megan, my darling," Loki breathed. "I love you."

"I love you, my sweet Loki." She said, looking in to his eyes. She pulled away a little and unfastened her dress, letting it fall to the floor and reveal a green and black lace bra and panties. Loki looked her over, pulling his own black shirt over his head and discarding it, and he looked pained when he saw her stomach. "It's ok. It doesn't hurt, and it will fade." Loki shook his head and she could see his eyes glisten with held back tears. "Feel," she said, reaching for his hand.

"No. I can't." He spluttered. Feeling bold, Megan stepped back a little and let him look over her, and then climbed on to the bed, the satin sheets smooth on her skin. She stopped in the middle of the bed, sitting on her heels, and ran her own hands lightly over her abdomen.   
"If you aren't going to take charge if the situation, your highness, then I will. Take off your pants." He gave her a very slight devilish grin that didn't quite sit right with his furrowed brows. 

"Megan,"

She ran one hand over her jaw, down her throat and over her breast, trailing lower over her stomach to her navel. She was almost down to her panties before she saw him cave in and take off his pants, finally freeing his bulging erection and striding over to the bed. He sat in front of her in an identical pose and lay her down, bringing first his hand and then his lips to her stomach, kissing gently over the puckered scars. He was surprised at how smooth the skin was, and how sensitive. Every time his tongue flicked over her she arched her back a little, occasionally moaning softly under his touch. He lay down next to her and faced her. "See?" She smiled. He kissed her mouth while he unfastened her bra and slipped it off, kneading her breast as she slid her tongue between his lips, moaning when his thumb found her hard nipple. Megan ran her palm lightly over his shoulder and down his chest, toying with his nipple on the way down to his navel, finding the trail of soft hair leading to his erection. Loki groaned at her touch, trying to make sure he went slowly like she had asked.

He ran a hand down her spine and pulled her in close, pressing their bodies together and feeling the sweet sensation of her breasts crushed against his firm chest, her hard nipples on his skin, her breath on his neck and their legs entwined. He paused for a moment and slipped her panties off, resuming the same position and letting her drape her leg over his hips, allowing him access to her while she gently reached down to stroke his shaft.

He teased her thighs and hips before his long fingers found her soft warm folds and the wetness within. He grazed over her slit, up to her clit, teasing lightly and then slipping the tip of one finger inside. Megan arched her back and moaned into his neck, nibbling just under his ear, and she took a firmer hold on his long shaft, rubbing her thumb lightly over the tip and eliciting a loud breathy moan from Loki's throat. He slid two fingers inside her, hooking them and immediately finding her spot, making her writhe against him.

Gathering her senses for a moment and feeling brave, Megan allowed the sensations to wash over her, the scent of her arousal, the feel of his touch and her building orgasm, the taste of his skin, the sound of her own breath and the twinkle in his eyes when she watched while she stroked him. Holding the moment in her mind, she opened up to share it with Loki, and saw his eyes widen with realisation, a loving smile spreading across his lips. He kept his own feelings in check, careful not to overload her this time, but giving her the sensation of her hand stroking his cock, her lips on his neck and her fingers tangled in his hair. He began to work a little faster with his hand, pumping his two fingers a little harder over her g spot while his thumb rubbed her clit, and Megan dropped her head back, exposing her throat for him to settle his mouth to. Feeling her climax approaching, she brought his mouth back to hers, sucking his tongue in to her mouth and massaging it with hers, grazing her teeth over it and moaning hard into his mouth. He felt her begin to come, not only as her walls contracted around his fingers but he actually felt the pleasure wash over her like a wave, felt her lower body spasming from the inside. 

As quickly as he removed his hand Megan was pulling his hips to her, wrapping her legs tight around him and guiding his tip to her entrance. He slid easily inside, filling her with his girth, feeling her stretch to accommodate him. He moaned in to her as he buried himself inside her slowly, reading her for any hesitation. When he encountered no resistance he slowly thrust in and out of her, touching her deepest places again and again. Before he sped up, Megan knew that he was going to, and when he felt the tension building she felt the same in her own loins. She kept her eyes locked on his, and he watched them widen as he rubbed her inside, watched them roll back a little when he reached down for her clit. She could feel him holding back, and she smiled a little.

_I trust you, Loki. I trust you not to give me anything I can't handle._

  
She knew from the glisten in his eyes that he had heard her, and he quickened his pace. Being able to feel both her own pleasure and his was almost literally mind blowing, and as soon as she felt herself climax for a second time, spilling over his cock, she felt his release right before he emptied himself in to her, breathing hard. His eyes never left hers while they were both overcome with their own waves of pure pleasure, and one another's, finally he nuzzled in to her neck and kissed her softly, and she felt his thoughts fade away like a distant memory.  
  



	18. Chapter 18

"Megan, that was extraordinary. You are just, extraordinary."

"I have certainly never dreamed of experiencing it like that before," Megan said, basking in his warmth.

"Did you mean that? About trusting me?"

"Yes, of course."

"I love you, my beautiful girl. Can you stay with me tonight?"

"I love you too. I can stay as long as you like."

"How does forever sound?"

"I don't know. I'll be very bored while you're off being the king. Could I be your assistant again?"

"Absolutely not. I have a more suitable job in mind for you."

"What's that?" She asked, closing her eyes as she dreamed of living with him again, as his lover and whatever else he wanted. Their hands entwined and Megan explored his long fingers with hers, trailing over them and feeling every inch with her fingertips. He had such beautiful hands, perhaps she could be his manicurist.

"Megan," he sat up and pulled her up to face him, keeping one of her hands in his and the other cupping her cheek, tucking her tousled hair behind her ear. "I want you to be my queen."

"You, what?"

He shrugged, like he had just said he wanted a cup of tea.

"Did you just propose and then shrug?"

He bowed his head and smiled. "Not necessarily, I just wanted you to know what I'm thinking. I know it's too soon, I need to earn your trust."

"Can I even do that? Be the queen when I'm not Asgardian?"

"Why not? I'm the king, love. I do what I want."

Megan laughed softly as they lay back down, she put her head on his smooth chest, her hand resting at the base of his neck with his hair tickling her fingers. Loki wrapped his long arms around her naked body, pulling her close to him and kissing the top of her head, stroking her hair and her back. 

*****************************************************************************

 _Keep your eyes closed. Use the rest of your senses._

Megan shook her head slightly but kept her eyes closed as she was told. She felt as though she were floating, without looking she couldn't tell if it was mid air or on water, but since she didn't feel wet... 

She heard nothing. Complete silence, and for that matter she couldn't taste anything either. But she could smell. Loki. Smell his spicy, almost citrusy scent. And another scent that she didn't want to name, but it made her chuckle to herself. _  
_

_Concentrate, Megan._

In her hand, she could feel smooth soft skin, warm fingertips brushing gently over her palm. She assumed they were Loki's, and using her own fingers to feel their length she confirmed that fairly quickly. She didn't know anyone else with hands like that. For a moment she just enjoyed the sensations around her, strained her ears for something that might give away her location. Without opening her eyes she knew it was dark, and she realised that aside from Loki's hand there was no temperature to feel, no other sensation on her skin. Outer space, perhaps? _  
_

_Open your eyes._

"Oh my god!" everything dissipated and she was back in bed, laying naked between the satin sheets with Loki next to her, holding her hand. He was laughing.

"You have got to learn to control that, love."

"W-we were... we were floating in space."

"Yes. Among the stars where you belong, darling."

"Loki, it's far too early for that much corn. Or late. I don't know what time it is."

"For corn?"

"Never mind. It was beautiful, so much black and darkness and it just made the stars so much brighter. I felt like I could reach out and touch them."

"Well you could have, if you hadn't brought us crashing back to... bed."

"Sorry."

"It's ok. Go back to sleep, it's just before sunrise."

Loki pulled Megan to him, wrapping his arms tight around her from behind. In a few minutes he was breathing sleepily, but Megan couldn't get back to sleep, and the beginning of an erection pressing in to her leg wasn't helping. She turned over in his arms, facing him and kissing his chest. Loki stirred a little, kissed the top of her head and went back to sleep. She wondered how mad he would be... slowly, using smooth gentle movements, she lifted the sheet and slid herself down, rolling him on to his back. Trying not to touch or breathe on him and give herself away, she licked her lips and closed her mouth around the tip of his cock and sucked gently, releasing it with a pop. Encouraged when he groaned, she took a little more, running her tongue light as a feather over the underside, over the little group of nerves near the head and feeling it harden and swell in her mouth. 

Loki's mouth fell open and he let out a short gasp as she slid her lips back down, taking half of his length in her warm, wet, mouth and circling the tip with her tongue. He wriggled his hips under her and she dug her hands into the flesh of his ass, lifting him up to her and taking more of him in, sucking the precum that beaded at the end.

"Get up here," he growled. She stalked up on all fours until she was straddling his hips and her hands were beside his head.

"Yes, your highness?" Loki pulled her face down to his, crushing their lips together and sucking her tongue hungrily. He put his hands on Megan's hips and she positioned herself over his shaft, sliding down on to him without breaking the kiss and making him bite gently on her tongue.

"Valhalla you feel amazing. So tight and wet and hot." She ground her hips down on him, stretching to take his whole length gradually inside. Pressing her hands on his chest she sat up, moving smoothly over his cock, covering him in her wetness. He reached down to her clit, knowing she was close to orgasm, and she increased her pace, eliciting primal grunts from Loki's throat as she rode him.

"God, Loki..."

"Come for me my darling. I want to hear you. Say my name,"

"Loki! Aah, fuck! Loki!" Her walls collapsed and spasmed around him as she came apart, falling down on to his chest and giving him a few more long hard strokes until he filled her with his seed, gripping tightly to her hips and thrusting up to her.

When her breathing began to slow he rolled her gently off on to the bed and pulled her to his chest, nuzzling into her hair, and the next thing Megan knew the sun was peeking through the window and Loki was looking down at her.

"Oh god were you just watching me sleep?"

"Yes. You were so peaceful, I've not noticed before that you smile in your sleep."

"Do we have to get up?"

"I do. You should just stay here, I'll be back before dinner."

Megan laughed. "That actually sounds very tempting."

"I do need to talk to you about something. About what I said last night."

"You're going to have to be a little more specific."

"When I said you would be my queen. I'd not thought that through."

"Oh." Megan looked down at her hands, wondering if she had done something wrong. Had he changed his mind?

"I can't have you interrupting my sleep like that every morning. I have responsibilities."

 _Wait, what?_

She gaped at him, trying to form words. And then she saw the huge mischievous grin on his face.

"Oh if that's going to be a problem, we can just not. Ever. I know you need your beauty sleep."

"I'm sorry, darling. I saw the look on your face and I couldn't resist. I meant you coming back here, permanently."

"You know I love you, Loki. I would love to just stay and never go back, but I still think we should do this slowly."

Loki looked down, disappointed. "I understand if you don't trust me yet."

"No, baby. That's not it. We're not just talking about moving in together, we're talking about me moving to another realm. It's a huge adjustment. And I think it's too soon."

He leaned in and kissed her lips lovingly. "I have to go, will you be here when I get back?"

"I guess I can stay another night," Megan said, stretching out under the sheet when Loki stood up.

"Good. Don't move. Be right there when I'm done."

Megan laughed. "Yes, your highness."

****************************************************************************

"I didn't expect you back yet," Grace said when Megan walked into the dining room.

"I had two nights," Megan said. "I don't want to rush it."

"Well that's sensible. How is it going?"

"Beautifully actually. He's been so... gentle. And loving, and kind. And he's helping me develop and control my telepathic abilities. I had no idea I could actually do anything, I thought I just had an innate ability to calm my mind."

"Are you going back more permanently?"

"Yes. Grace, I know you think I'm crazy, you think he's a monster. And I don't blame you. But I have seen his heart, his soul. I'm not afraid of him. I'm not rushing into it, but when it's time I will move there."

"I want to give you a full check over before you go, ok?"

"OK. I feel really good. Strong. And I think the scars have faded a little more."

"They will eventually fade to almost nothing, it's just that your body has to do the rest of the work. But you look good, you're fit and healthy. And I have to admit you look ridiculously happy."

"I am," Megan beamed.

*******************************************************************

"Among the stars, where you belong..." 

Megan opened her eyes, the most beautiful sight before her making her afraid to blink. All around her stars twinkled against the colourless sky, like a black sheet with the sun shining through tiny splattered holes. It was as though the empty space was closing around her, and at the same time it was infinite, as far as she could see in any direction.

"Loki, it's beaut-" suddenly she was falling, the air rushing past her ears with a deafening roar, her hair flapping around her face and her body feeling like a pebble being dropped into the ocean. Unable to turn her head, she couldn't see if there was an end to her free fall, only wait for the inevitable crash into the ground as she opened her mouth and a silent scream was ripped from her throat.

A bird sang somewhere in the distance, a long almost sad song. Megan rubbed her eyes, everything was so black she wondered for a moment if she was blind. Feeling for the lamp, she turned it on and the light was like a slap in the face. Satisfied they were functioning as normal she jammed her eyes shut again and switched off the light, and the shadows cast by the faint moonlight began to form before her eyes.

Another scream was torn from her vocal chords like someone reefing the strings off a guitar. This one was a little less silent than the last, and suddenly a cool hand was clapped over her mouth, dampening the sound.

"Stop screaming." A voice hissed in her ear. "Megan! Stop! I'm not removing my hand until you stop screaming." She stopped and felt the large hand move slowly away from her face. "It's me, love. You're ok, I'm here."

"Fuck, you scared me. What are you doing here?"

"Your dream, you pulled me into it. And then you fell."

"What was that about?"

"I have no idea, but I wanted to make sure you were alright. Lie down."

"Are you really here?" She asked, laying her head back on the pillow. "Can you stay?"

"Yes, darling. For a little while." He slid under the covers behind her and wrapped her in his arms, snuggling in to her back.

"Oh, Loki, I've missed you."

"I've missed you, too. Two weeks is too long. Come back to Asgard with me."

"Mmm." Megan said sleepily. "OK. Hhhaaaaaaaaaaaahhh! Loki! A little warning next time?" She yelled.

"Sorry, love. Ssshhhhh, go to sleep." They were now cuddled together in Loki's bed, his warm skin pressed up against her back.

"I'm fairly certain I was wearing pajamas?"

"Oh dear, that is unfortunate," Loki said, his breath warm on Megan's bare skin, and she felt his lips curl into a smile. His hand came up and caressed her breast, teasing until he felt her nipple harden under his hand and she let out a long sigh. Megan felt his erection on her thigh, and rubbed her hips back in to him. 

Loki ran his hand down her middle and hooked her leg back over his hip, giving him access to her wet core. He pressed his tip against her entrance gently and ran a finger over her bud, feeling it harden and swell under his touch and hearing Megan inhale sharply through her teeth. Guiding himself inside, he made love to her slowly and gently, gliding his hands over her body with a soft, sweet touch, kissing her neck and shoulders in between whispering in her ear.

Megan heard his breathing quicken in her ear and felt his strokes become a little more urgent, and he put his fingers back to work on her clit while he continued his long thrusts inside. Megan moaned, feeling her climax approach as he rubbed over her sensitive spot. After a few minutes she felt Loki's strokes become ragged. "Come apart for me, my angel," Loki whispered in her ear and it was enough to tip Megan over the edge, coming around him, contracting over his long shaft and milking his seed into her until he stilled and softened.


	19. Chapter 19

Megan didn't remember Loki withdrawing himself, or anything else. She woke up to sun streaming in through the curtains and Loki staring at her. "That's really unnerving first thing in the morning." She said.

"Is it? I don't mean it to be, I just like looking at you."

"You say that now. Wait until I start snoring or drooling or talking in my sleep."

Loki laughed softly. "Never. What would you like to do today? I'm all yours."

"Ooh, I have some ideas then. Actually I was going to come back next week, but someone whisked me away in the middle of the night. I think, I... Um. Do you still want me to be here all the time?"

"I want nothing more, my love. Going to sleep with you in my arms and waking up next to you. I can't wait."

"Well, you don't have to wait anymore. I'm ready to do it."

She saw Loki's eyes widen and then crease with a smile. "Really?"

"Yes. I want to be here all of the time. With you."

"Shall we go back today and finalise it then?"

"OK, let me just- LOKI! A bit of warning, remember? I know you're excited but I can't just go from realm to realm as easily as you!"

He looked at her like a puppy who had just been scolded for lovingly licking her face. "I'm sorry."

Megan looked around at her room at HQ. She didn't have a lot of belongings, and knowing this was only to be a temporary home was working in her favour, she had very little to take with her. "I need to find Grace before I go, would you like to wait here?"

"Darling, there is no way I'm going out there."

Loki sat on the bed reading one of Megan's books, and she found Craig, the psychologist, in the otherwise deserted medical suite. "Do you know where I might find Grace?"

"She's actually taken a weekend break with Steve, she'll be back on Monday. Is it urgent?"

"Uh, no. It's fine."

"How are things going with Loki? Are how are you recovering?"

"Good on both counts. We still have some work to do, as do I, but I'm actually returning to Asgard today. Permanently." Megan beamed. She had decided a few days earlier but hadn't expected to tell anyone just yet.

"You can get out of there if you need to though? And you'll get help if you need it?"

"Yes. Tony made Thor and Fandral promise to protect me if anything changes. Thanks for everything, Craig."

****************************************************************************

"Alright I'm ready. Grace isn't here though, I'll have to come back in a few weeks."

"So we can go?"

"Yes, Loki, we can. You're so impatient!"

"Megan, are you ready? We're going back to Asgard now." He spoke to her slowly, as though he were placating a frightened child. Megan smiled and nodded, quickly finding herself back in Loki's chambers.

"There's something I want to try if you are up to it." Loki said when Megan was settled. She looked up at him warily from the couch. "Megan," he scolded. "I meant a telepathic exercise. Is everything about sex with you?"

She couldn't help but laugh out loud while they sat on the soft rug and he took her hands. "We're not plummeting from space again are we?"

"No, love. I want you to be able to read me, I don't want to have secrets from you. I want it to be impossible for me to have secrets from you."

"Wow. Are you sure? Because regular couples can't read one another's thoughts."

"Yes, I am sure. Absolutely sure. I have remained closed off to you after the incident last time. You will have to learn to control the flow, because I cannot. You want to be able to funnel what you get from me, be able to find specifically what you desire, rather than just tipping the whole bucket of fucked up into your head."

"How do I do that?"

Loki shrugged. It was yet another gesture that was completely at odds with king Loki and yet completely natural on the Loki that sat before her cross legged on the floor. "I don't know how it works for you. I will try to hold back but I'm not sure I can."

"I don't know how it works either, so that's two of us."

"Megan, if you're not ready for this..."

"I'm ready. Let's do it."

"Close your eyes," he said, rubbing his thumbs over her knuckles. "Look for something specific. An answer, a memory, something small." Megan reached out to him with her mind, tentatively. She was still nervous after the last time, the images still burned into her brain. "Relax." He said firmly. Mentally shaking herself off, she tried again.

Megan had always seen colours where others did not, just as illusions were illuminated to her with a particular colour for the creator, so too were other telepathic images. She had never seen anything like Loki, though. His mind had a kaleidoscopic chaos about it, every imaginable colour twisting and dancing, expanding and shrinking back in on themselves in beautiful uncontrolled machinations. It was mesmerising and frightening all at the same time, a wondrous, exquisite, disaster of emotion and thought.

_Focus._

Dinner, she had decided. Last night's dinner. Surely that was safe and unemotional. As though she had zoomed in on a camera, she was presented with an image of Loki, surrounded by colours like some kind of psychedelic aura that swirled and changed around him. His thoughts were as though they were her own, and if she concentrated she could hear them in her head with almost the same clarity as when he spoke to her. He was eating with Thor, discussing some business fairly calmly, although it was obvious to Megan he was agitated, and his natural urge was to come down much harder on troublemakers than he let on to Thor. 

The discussion moved to Megan, and she giggled softly upon seeing him light up with a pink glow for a few seconds when he spoke of her. It was quickly replaced with black guilt, and blood red anger, thoughts and feelings racing through his mind like an undercurrent even as he spoke of his love for her and how eagerly he awaited her return. Megan smiled and lingered there for a few moments, listening to the words he used with Thor, flooded with happiness and peace. If only she could relieve him of his guilt and anger with himself.

Slowly she pulled away, and was suddenly aware of Loki catching her as she fell forward into his chest, lifting her onto his lap. Megan always underestimated the amount of energy such exercises expended, particularly those involving emotion, but Loki was ever prepared for her inevitable collapse, waiting with open arms and a safe refuge for her to collect her thoughts. 

****************************************************************************

Megan felt as though she was back at the academy, being groomed for a higher purpose. For weeks now Loki had been bringing her book after book, the history of Asgard, of Yggdrasil and the nine realms, past kings and gods. Picking up on her background as an agent, Sif and Fandral had been teaching her some sword fighting skills, which she didn't mind admitting she was terrible at. She was less crouching tiger and more clumsy bear cub, but with a lot of practice she was starting to grasp the graceful, fluid movements. Loki had been unimpressed when she asked why she couldn't just use a firearm, archery was out of the question and he didn't like her relying on being close enough for a dagger, particularly after a nasty incident where he had had to heal a gash on her thigh.

Loki had even had some new clothing made for her, dresses that fell beautifully over her slender body, hugging her waist and somehow allowing enough movement that she was sure she could fight in them if she had to. The fabrics felt so light on her skin she would never have believed they could be warm enough, and they flowed and moved over her body like they were woven with pure magic. Megan felt like Asgard really could be her home, she would never be Aesir, but that was a concern she had put to rest when her love for Loki made it clear she couldn't be at home anywhere else.

Jane now visited Thor quite regularly, although Thor was equally as comfortable in Midgard and split his time between the two. Megan was fond of Jane and loved hearing about her work, the way she could talk for hours about the science behind it all and she was easily able to explain the connections between realms, better than anyone else Megan had heard. Loki dropped in on Megan's training one morning to let her know that Thor and Jane would be arriving that afternoon, and they would be having dinner together in the dining hall with a few guests.

"Is there a special occasion?" Megan puffed, taking a sip of water while wiping her face.

"There might- no. Just their return, and it's been a while. The last time we celebrated was when you moved in, I thought it about time we did it again."

_You're up to something. What is it?_

"I'm not up to anything, my love. Sometimes I do enjoy the company of others. And I know you do. That's all. Will you join me for lunch by the water and we can organise a few details?"

"Yes. Let me finish up here and I need to shower and change."

"Wear the green one. With your black cloak, it is colder than usual today."

"Yes, your highness." Megan smirked.


	20. Chapter 20

As Megan approached the spot Loki had talked about she saw it surrounded in a familiar green shimmer. He had made it exactly as it had been in her dreams, with the gentle flow of the water and the sunlight filtering through the tree, a green blanket on the cold grass. She even thought it was warmer than usual, just in that spot. Loki was wearing his formal clothing and armor, something she hadn't seen in a couple of weeks. He had settled more into his role now, realising that when the people of Asgard had begun to respect him and trust him he no longer needed to look intimidating. She did like it though, perhaps a bit much for a picnic but beautiful all the same, the green and gold giving him a definite air that he didn't always have when she was around. Loki's face lit up when he looked up at Megan, dressed in her deep green gown as he had requested, with a gold chain around her neck and her thick silk cloak he had given her. She suddenly realised they probably looked quite a pair, anywhere but Asgard they would have got some interesting attention.

"Oh my darling, you would look beautiful in nothing but a pillow slip, but the way that dress brings out the green in your eyes is truly magic. The training with the warriors is certainly doing something for you, you're positively radiant the last couple of weeks."

"Thank you, my love. You're looking particularly dashing yourself this afternoon. And the illusion? Breathtaking even if I know it's magic. What's the occasion?"

"Do I need one?" He asked as Megan sat gracefully between his bent legs. He handed her a glass of wine and leaned back against the tree.

"You forget I can see your mind, Loki. I may not be able to read you completely, nor am I trying at this moment, but you're up to something."

He sighed and put down his glass, putting his hands up in surrender. "OK you've got me."

When she had taken a sip he took her glass and put it next to Megan's, taking her hands in his and looking into her eyes.

"My beautiful, sweet, Megan. I have always, as long as I can remember, wanted to do better. To be better. And I always felt held back, and pushed back, like I was meant for something other than good. I fought it for so long, but then after I discovered my... I lost the motivation to fight. I wanted to world to suffer along with me, to inflict my pain on every one and every thing. When I hurt you, something inside me was broken, as though the connection I had built to my own dark world had been irreparably torn down, shattered into tiny pieces. For the first time I felt remorse for my actions, I knew I had to learn from them, that it was the key to being a good king, to being better. And I'm not there yet, but I am trying, and I am fighting, and that is because of you. You have given me the motivation to be a successful king, and a worthy and deserving husband, as I see now my father was. A deserving husband to you, Megan. If you will have me."

Megan stared into his blue eyes in stunned silence. She saw unshed tears glistening in them, and felt the same in her own, but she felt frozen and unable to form words.

"Would you do me the honour of being my queen? My wife? If you deem me worthy?"

The best she could manage was a nod, an emphatic one at least.

"Yes, Loki." She managed after an eternity. "The honour... would be mine."

Tears spilled down Loki's cheeks and Megan swiped them away, kissing him softly. He held her left hand out in his and slid something cold on to it. "I believe the tradition in your world is a diamond ring. Personally I find diamonds a bit... Boring. Remember you said once you kept your thoughts from me like a clear glass of water? That's what diamonds remind me of. So unless you insist, I much prefer this."

Megan looked down and saw a gold ring on her finger, set with emeralds like she had never seen. They were a bright sparkling green that reflected the light all around them both. "It's perfect." Megan said quietly. "Just perfect. I love you, Loki."

"I love you, Megan."

************************************************************************************

As the engagement celebration died down that evening they returned to Loki's chambers. "Did today actually happen, or did I dream it?" Megan asked, yawning.

"It actually happened, love. I can not wait for you to be mine."

"I'm already yours."

"To be the queen of Asgard, then." He smiled.

Late that night, naked in his arms, Megan reached her mind out to Loki's. With regular practice she could now get an idea what he was feeling and thinking by looking at his whole mind, seeing what the dominant colours were in his kaleidoscope of emotions. Right now she saw mostly pink, with the occasional pale blue, and she chuckled against his chest. Apparently afterglow was a real thing for gods, too.

"Are you poking around in my head and laughing?"

"Yes. It's very pretty today." Megan groaned and snuggled into his chest, listening to his heart beat evenly. "I have to go back tomorrow, Grace was asking Thor about me. I promised she could check me over before I left."

"Do you want me to come with you?"

"No, probably safer for you if you stay here."

***********************************************************************

"You're what?" Grace said incredulously, staring at the ring on Megan's finger. "Seriously?"

"Yes. I can hardly believe it myself. But we're getting married."

"Well congratulations!"

"Thank you. So what am I in for today?"

"I want to check over your injuries from before, check your brain and just give you a general checkup."

"Sounds like fun." Megan said.

She counted down the day not by hours or minutes but by blood draws, scans, machines and tests. Grace in her infinite curiosity about Megan's telepathic abilities had thrown in some extra tests on her brain, and by the end of the day she felt like she might just have a nap on the couch in Grace's office. She had just closed her eyes when she heard Grace come in and close the door.

"You're recovered, fit and healthy. And to my disappointment there was nothing abnormal about your brain."

Megan laughed. "So I can go?"

"Shortly. You said you were on the depo shot for contraception?"

"Yes,"

"Are you due for a shot? Because I'm not sure they have those in Asgard."

"Er," Megan tried to calculate mentally. She'd had the last one just after the end of S.H.I.E.L.D. at a local doctor. "Oh dear. Can you give me one now?"

"How long since you had one?"

"A bit over five months."

"Last period?"

"Uhm... after I came back from Asgard? Before I went back. While I was here. It was a bit late and I guessed it was from the trauma."

"So you could be-"

"I'm not pregnant, Grace."

"Either way I have to do a test before I can give you the shot."

"Go for it. Wouldn't it have shown up in the millions of tests you already did?"

"No, I wasn't looking for it. I figured if you'd had unprotected sex you'd tell me." Grace gave her a look that made her feel like a teenager in the principal's office, so Megan decided to be mature and poke her tongue at her while the collection needle was jabbed in to her arm.

"Is that even possible? He's not human!"

"I don't know. Thor might, perhaps you should ask? Otherwise I'll see what I can find out. He's Jotun, right?"

Grace said on her way out the door with Megan's blood. Megan nodded and put her head back and closed her eyes.


	21. Chapter 21

Wearily Megan sat down on the couch next to Loki. "That took longer than expected," he said. "Is everything OK?"

"Everything is perfect," Megan smiled. "I am completely recovered, fit and healthy."

She snuggled into Loki's chest, listening to his heart beat under her ear and closing her eyes while he told her about something that had happened in the palace today. Megan couldn't focus any longer and drifted off to the comforting sound of his smooth voice. The next time she opened her eyes the sun was rising and she was in Loki's arms in bed, his warm bare skin pressed against hers, his nose nuzzling her hair and neck.

"Good morning, love,"

"I'm sorry I fell asleep on you. I was so tired after yesterday."

"It's ok darling, I understand."

"Can I ask you something? If we wanted children, is it possible?"

"Do you want them?"

"I don't know yet, I just didn't know if it was possible with me being human."

"It most certainly is, I've read about it happening. Not often, but there aren't any problems. And to answer your next question, yes. I do want to have children. You look surprised."

Megan was miles past surprised. She'd have fallen over if she wasn't already laying down. "I just figured you wouldn't want to."

"Of course I do, a little princess just like her mother. Or a little prince who would also hopefully be like his mother."

Megan smiled up at him, scooting up a little so her face was level with his and kissing him passionately. "We should practice now, then. And when the time comes we'll be experts."

"Darling we're already experts," Loki said as he rolled her to her back and fondled her breast. "No harm in practicing though."

***************************************************************************

Almost a week later, Loki and Megan sat together on the rug, continuing Megan's training. He had asked her to dig up a memory from his mind, and she was becoming increasingly frustrated. "What's wrong my darling?"

"You're blocking me."

"I'm not."

"Well your mind is like a bowl of rainbow coloured spaghetti and every time I pull on one piece I get fifty. It's impossible to separate one thought from another!"

"But you've done it before. What's bothering you? You were reluctant to do this in the first place, and you've been closed off to me since you returned from Midgard."

Megan let go of Loki's hands and ran hers through her hair in frustration. She wasn't ready for this, it was too soon, and this wasn't the scenario she had imagined. "Megan, talk to-"

"I'm pregnant." Megan looked down and closed her eyes, but she could feel his emotions radiating from him like heat from an intense fire. She reached her mind out for his, trying to judge his reaction. She was surprised to see a lot of pink and pale blue again, with just a little orange which she knew now was anxiety. He was happy. Incredibly so. Megan opened her eyes and looked back to Loki and he was smiling, tears pooling in his eyes.

"Have you known about this since you went to Midgard? Or longer?"

"I found out that day. I'm sorry. I should have told you sooner and I shouldn't have let it happen in the first place. I was meant to have an injection around the time I was in the cell and it completely slipped my mind. And then Grace made me have a test before she'd give me another one... and Bam. There it is."

"Oh beautiful girl. Did you think I would be angry?"

"I don't know. I thought you would be a little disappointed that it wasn't planned."

"None of that matters, my darling." He pulled her into his lap and kissed her deeply, wiping away the tears that were now falling over her cheeks. "Valhalla, we're having a baby."

"Yes we are. God it feels good to tell you. I wanted to get my head around it first, I'm already almost three months."

"Do you want to hold the wedding plans until after the baby, then? Or make it sooner?"

"Sooner. I have no desire to wait any longer than I have to."


	22. Chapter 22

Megan stood on the balcony outside the throne room, looking over the water and admiring the beautiful golden sky. The air was beginning to cool and she wrapped the heavy black cloak tight around her, folding her arms over her bulging tummy which was barely concealed by her flowing dark green dress with its gold embroidery. In response to his unspoken question, she shared the view with Loki, and felt him approaching even before she heard him step on to the balcony, before she smelled his leathery, spicy, citrus scent. He stood behind her and put his hands on her shoulders, kissing the top of her head. Sweeping her long dark curls aside, he nuzzled in to her neck and planted soft kisses behind her ear.

"We should get back, everyone will wonder where we are," she said softly.

"I think we've given enough to our Kingdom today, my love. A few moments alone have been well earned. They are too busy talking about us, and the new heir, to notice we've disappeared. Have you enjoyed yourself? You are feeling well?"

"Yes, it's been a beautiful day. I can't wait until it's just the two of us, though." Megan gasped and pulled Loki's hands under he cloak to her belly, and when she felt him smile with delight against her neck she knew he had finally felt the tiny fluttering movements from inside.

"You mean the three of us," he said.

"I'm glad we shared it with everyone today, I'm halfway tomorrow and I don't think I could have hid it much longer. It's a good thing Asgardian wedding gowns are less white and fitted and more intricate and forgiving!"

"Have I told you how absolutely gorgeous you are?"

"Yes, but I will never tire of hearing it." Megan smiled. Loki wrapped his arms tight around her and hesitated when he felt something firm in the pocket of her cloak.

"What's this?" He asked, holding up a leather wallet. He opened it up, revealing Megan's S.H.I.E.L.D. badge and identification. "Something you want to tell me, Agent Beckett?"

"Yes, actually. I clung to that badge long after I should have disposed of it, not knowing who I was or where to find my place in the world. Today I have the answer to all of the questions. Today I became Queen Megan of Asgard, wife of Loki Odinson. My place is here, by your side, mother to your child, your queen. I no longer need to cling to an obsolete title and it's false security." She took one last look at the badge before closing it and letting it slip over the railing into the water below, then turned in Loki's arms and kissed him deeply.

"Come on then, my queen. Our guests are waiting to toast our marriage, and then we can slip away and be alone. Just the two of us."

"Three of us."


End file.
